Pondering

[Hopefloats]

I have been doing a lot of pondering. There are many things going on in my life right now. Today I will be going to the beach with a friend, just for a nice ride and we will stop and eat and get an ice-cream. I have been having a few phone problems so I am happy that she was able to get through on my cell. Anyway....................

My daughter is due to be released in just about 3 mths and 2 wks. This does bring about a lot of excitement, but I found that it has dredged up some negative thoughts as well.
We have talked here about the comfort of knowing that our loved ones are incarcerated in the way that speaks SAFETY to us. I have worked hard at letting go of the worry when she is OUT HERE and trying to make her life work. And it will be work for her.

The good stuff is we have a mini-plan and I think anything bigger than that is not reasonable anyway. The one day at a time is best. YET, mama here has this background noise as I call it, which sounds like those old voices creeping in, reminding me of just how badly things could turn, quickly. SO, how much do we invest?

Thinking about this, I have been trying to find an answer for that. As a mom our love is a given. At least for me it is. And my ability and willingness is there, but limited in the face of protecting myself from the stress that has in the past made me sick and tired and then sick of being sick and tired.

SO....lately (trying to make my point here) I have been busy helping my daughter find appropriate housing. I have been trying step BACK and maintain that place that allows me to stay even keeled.

If you have any reminders, any advice I am open. It is not that I don't know these things, it is just that like all of us, the reminders help a lot.

I am so not afraid of saying no. That is a great thing. I also stopped caring some while ago if someone was angry at me. I have discovered that we can have differences and still be on each other's side. I have discovered that the truth really does win out, and forgiveness is huge for my spirituality.

Now that I have been all over the map...kinda....
For any of you that have a loved one in prison, what are your thoughts, regarding parole? And for others that don't I welcome your thoughts as well. The past 15 months have been tough too in MANY ways. I never thought that I would have to experience my daughter being in a place where she actually is property of the State of NH! My voice was silenced in many ways when they took her away.

I hope everyone is doing okay...