Alternative Definitions

[indigo]

Consciousness - the time between naps.





Accountant - someone you hire to explain that you didn't make the money you did.





Wedding - a funeral where you smell your own flowers.





Justice - a decision in your favor.





Paradox - two physicians.





Court of law - the place where a suit is pressed and a man can be taken to the cleaners.





Flattery - an insult in gift wrapping.






Alimony - the cost of loving.




Capitalism - the survival of the fattest.





Oboe: An ill woodwind that no-one blows good.

Impeccable: having immunity to woodpeckers.





Diplomacy is the art of saying "nice doggy" until you can find a rock.





A consultant is a person who borrows your watch, tells you what time it is, pockets the watch, and sends you a bill for it.





A born loser: Somebody who calls the telephone number that's scrawled in lipstick on the phone booth wall -- and his wife answers.