Personalizing: Why did They do That to Me?

[cody]

Hi folks,

I thought I would share this essay that has had a lot of pertinence for me lately. It was written by a REBT oriented author. I hope you find something meaningful in it for you.

Why did they do that to me?

Rule #1: Other people's behavior is about them NOT me.

Translation: What other people do says a lot about their values, habits, scripts, thoughts, feelings, etc., but it says nothing about mine.

Rule #2: My behavior is about me NOT other people.

Translation: What I do says a lot about my values, habits, scripts, thoughts, feelings, etc., but it says nothing about other people's.

Application Example #1:
When someone is rude to me, I will NOT interpret it to mean anything about me, but, instead, I will interpret it to mean something about their style or lack thereof.

Application Example #2:
When someone is in a bad mood, I will choose NOT to personalize that, but, instead, will think that they must be disturbing themselves about some personal problems.

Point of the Two Rules:
To learn NOT to personalize other people's behaviors.
Why? Because the universe is NOT centered on me.
Why? Because life is NOT about me.
Why? Because I have enough real things to upset my self about without imagining things.

Rejection is not personal.
Rejection is not you.
No one knows you to reject you.
People only reject their image of you.
You are not images--movies are.
Rejection is a negative choice not a person.

Failure is not personal.
Failure is not you.
Failure is past and you are present.
Failure can label you and hate the label but not you.
You are not labels--symbols are.
Failure is poor choices and you are not poor choices.


Kevin Everett FitzMaurice