Life of Addiction,Abuse and Betrayel

[Electric]

My Name Iz Christopher ,I have been a veteran drug/alcohol user az far back az I can remember, it all started in 1977 when I was 12, az I watched my foster brother die on our kitchen floor of an overdose of valium az the paramedics tried to save him. Then it was off to living with people I barely even knew most of my childhood,because I was so rebelous and so mad at the world, I learned everything the hard way,my hurt only became worse as I grew,from the day I started to go to therapists, to the time I tried to live with an abusive alcoholic Father,everywhere I turned no one seemed to really see how I was viewing the world,I was sexually abused at 13 thru 15 by My Momz boyfriend,who in turn; waz a cop,after sum time I had enough and at 16, I beat him up for yelling at my mom,and also for what he had done to me,after that happened I was uncontrollable,I ran the streets of Tacoma and Seattle like a wild person, drugz,alcohol,anything I could find to numb the reality of the world,I finally after some time of "hiding" was found by my mother,and moved to Oregon,timez were getting better for me,so I thought , I just fell deeper into the drugz and alcohol,smaller town and easier to get ,and also the fact if I didnt get it I would find a way to talk people into getting it for me,thingz got worse as they got better, I had a close friend who was 20 yearz my senior,funny, you think you know sumone and you don't ,at all,turnz out after a few yearz of hanging with him( my momz best friends b/f)he gets picked up by the police on a rape charge, and iz convicted,and never see that s.o.b. again, id a liked to beat the crap outta him. liez,deciet,and shame of even knowing the sick bastard.after sum time I met My wife of 12 years together , but methamphetamine and alcohol destroyed that relationship,I have lost most my family to either alcohol abuse,or other similar health issuez,I feel most of them died from straight up deep depression,there have been numourus times i have thought of suicide,but the timez they have hit me the most are in the past four yearz,when I didnt have my family and waz living alone in washington state,and back here in Oregon,I attempted suicide by jumping in front a train in Finley washington and sumhow pulled myself off the tracks ,it was just a matter of seconds,I was extremely intoxicated at this time,second attempt was with alcohol and a bottle of pills In Kennewick,wa.but sumhow got woken upby my lil brother and expelled all the crap in my system,most recently March 2006 felt like i had enough ,and so I reached out and called 911 before i did sumthing harsh,but the worst was last year June 2006,I proceeded to get a motel room in Newport,and with a friends help(not his knowledge) got some meth,hard liquor,beer,and drank and drugged for five dayz,then when I was ready, got the Motel room,and felt I had given all i could to this life,and that everyone got what they wanted form Chris,but God took over and sent Angelz my way, in the form of Cops,they had come to my room on a suicidal complaint from my ex g/f,whom i dont even recall talking with, I was a black out drunk and was not uncommon to drink for dayz and wake up wundering where the hell i was and how the hell i got there,bottom line iz, the cops were there to help me that day and I blacked out,when i came to, I was in a jail cell,being charged with a felony,assaulting a police officer,I had been calm until they put me in cuffs for my own protection,and I got up after sum time and head butted him in the forehead,when i read the police report sitting in jail,I cried , not only because i was so ashamed,and embarrassed,but because I knew that dugz and alcohol had gotten the better of me, I never had an issue hurting myself,but hurting sumone that had nothing to do with my life,was intollerable,here i am 41 and was still living like the world owed me sumthing, after i was released I met the officer in person,and all iz good, he iz a very good man and iz proud i have changed so much,I am currently on formal probation and will be for 2 yearz,That iz the reazon why I still attend A/and D treatment,and mental health classes, i am still fixing my life in the right ways now, I have ran with hardest of the crew,playing the deepest meth game,drank in the best of places to the worst, I have danced with the devil until he lost, I am not proud of who I waz, but am proud of who I am.I have been Clean and Sober now since June of last year.I was known to use any Drug while intoxicated on Alcohol.I am dual diagnosis Anxiety/Social Disorders, I am very dedicated to My classes and groups here locally,and enjoy learning new knowledge everytime I attend.As well as the A/D groups ,I attend Family Counseling with Two of My three Daughters (ages15 and 17), Also recently graduated Healthy Family Project,This has helped them to see thir "real" Dad,and not the way I was when I used,and lived that horrible lifestyle.Also it has helped in the areas to get Me to realize how much My Daughters Love and Support Me and see Them as who they truly are!It haz been a real struggle at first with them (being a Single Father off and on for 5 yearz), But, now we are a team,and work together to strive for the best we can be .