The Addictive Voice - What is it, And How Do We Defeat It?

[CDawg]

Hi Folks,

What is the AV, or Addictive Voice? It's that nasty little whispering of thoughts that occur in our heads and lead us into places where we really don't want to go. It's one thing to be in good space, and in a good frame of mind, but what happens when adversity happens to us? When that sniggling little voice starts whispering in your ear? Things like:

"Oh Hell. I got clean for THIS? Why am I even bothering?" Or, my personal favorite, "They think I'm gonna screw up anyway, so why not?"

These are just a few of the dangerous things that we tell ourselves - things that allow us to board that express train to Relapseville. And the things that we tell ourselves have POWER. We can talk ourselves into anything, can we not? Didn't we talk ourselves into getting clean in the first place? Didn't we make a conscious choice to make changes? Of course we did. And we make a choice to listen to that AV in our heads. But herein lies the problem. That voice LIES to us. It tells us things that sound oh so good because we, in the deepest recesses of our hearts, WANT to believe them. See, we remember the early days when using was fun and not the problem that it turned out to be later on. And the AV tells us that it CAN be fun again, that we can control it. This time it will be different. And deep down, we want to believe that. Our hearts want to believe that we are the same as the folks that can use in a recreational fashion and not have it wreak havoc upon our lives.

But our minds know differently. Our minds know that this is nothing more than a slippery slope that leads to ruin. That one really is too many because 1000, or even 10,000 isn't near enough. But that voice is SO tantiliizing, so tempting, that we want to believe. We want to be NORMAL. In reality, we simply want to be able to use successfully. Again, our minds know differently. Common sense and our own personal experiences have already shown us that using successfully is not an option. And what we REALLY want is to be able to live healthy, happy lives. But we cannot do that while listening to the voice. So how do we stop ourselves from giving in? What can we do to stop that liar from exercising influence over our actions? How do we allow ourselves to get off of that train before it leaves the station, or not even board it at all? What can we do to take away the power that we so freely gave that voice in the past?

The first thing that comes to mind for me is becoming more mindful. What is mindfulness? . Mindfulness points to: Being aware of and paying attention to the moment in which we find ourselves. Our past is gone, our future is not yet here. So what exist between them is the present moment. If I can observe and not get caught up in my thoughts, it is all that I have. The here and now, the present is the link which holds what was and what will be. My past was a series of present moments which brought me to this present moment. My future should it happen will be a series of present moments effected by only present moment in which I am now living, being, doing, observing, being aware or unaware, and attentive or unattentive. While mindfulness is a generalization about paying attention and being aware in the present moment , it occurs only in the individual. That individual makes a choice to be in the moment and be aware of what is happening in the present moment. In that choice is a realization. "You are not your thoughts. Our thoughts take us away from being here now. If I am thinking about the past, or worried about the future, I am a prisoner of my thoughts. When I take a moment to observe myself having thoughts, I am no longer the thoughts. I get to be and observe at the same time. That's why if I continue to come back to my breath which always occurs in the here and now, it draws me into the present. And from that vantage point I can observe as past and future attempt to draw me away from the moment. This paying attention to the here and now, to the breath, to the observing one's thoughts without being critical or judgmental."

And being more aware is a good thing. But what good is being more aware if I don't know how to deal with that voice when it starts whispering in my mind? What are some things that we can do in order to make that little voice shut up and go away? Here are a couple of proven exercises that work. Yes, they take practice. But the more that we use them, the easier and more effective they will be. The first is DEADS:

DEADS - Kill Your Urge

The letters stand for a reminder of some techniques for dealing with urges.

D=Delay.
It is a fact that the mind cannot hold a single thought for any length of time. If you don't believe me, just try to meditate on your navel for 20 minutes. Think of NOTHING else. Don't think of that ticking clock you hear, don't think of your foot that itches, and don't think about how much time is left before you can get up and make dinner. Just your navel, period! Hmmm, pretty hard to do. You can use this fact to crowd out urges by postponing them for a later time. Twenty minutes later, the urges will not seem as urgent as it did when it first appeared. Wait that nasty thought out and it will dissappear. Try it! What have you got to lose except ... your urge.

E=Escape the situation.
We cannot ALWAYS manipulate the situation, but often we can. If you have chosen to go to a party, and the urges are looking 'irresistable', do yourself a favor and get the heck out of there. Mark parties off your list for several months. If certain friends seem to 'make you want to drink', put them on the back burner for a while. If driving by your favorite bar puts a yearning in your stomach, drive home a new way for a while. Several months down the road you can experiment with dealing with tempting situations, but why do it in the first sensitive weeks? There is plenty of time later. Give yourself a break!

A=Avoid.
Make your list up now of triggers that YOU feel tempt YOU and avoid them. Avoid them for good or just for a while. This is your list and your choices. Putting them on paper NOW rather than finding yourself in a sticky situation later makes much more sense to me.

D=Distract.
Distraction or divertion is something that we talk about a lot around here. Having a list of things to do, in advance, is insurance for when the only thing you can think of to do is drink. Pull out that list and pick an activity... and just do it... whether it feels like something you want to do or not. I have found that at first, I would say 'Heck, I don't want to do that'... but after making myself do it, it became fun. My favorite motto of late:

'Motivation follows action'.

I said earlier that it is hard for you to hold one thought in your mind for any length of time, just think how hard it is to hold TWO thoughts at once! This distraction technique utilizes this principle.

S=Substitution.
You can substitute an irrational belief with a rational belief. You can substitute an addictive behavior with a healthy behavior. You can substitute cranberry juice for beer. You can substitute jogging around the block instead of eating chocolate cake. You can substitute feeling sorry for yourself with coming to an online meeting. The possibilites are endless.

DEADS - another tool for the toolbelt.

Another tool/exercise that works well is DISARM:

DISARM
(Destructive Self-talk Awareness and Refusal Method)
WHAT IT IS: DISARM is a tool which exposes the self-talk and images which tell us to use, as lies, excuses, and rationalizations. It challenges those urge producing thoughts at every opportunity, shooting them down like a gunslinger or reducing them to the point of absurdity. All humans, not just humans with substance abuse problems, have thoughts, urges, or other impulses, which, if followed, would harm their long-term interests. Realizing the power of what we think/believe about our strong urges to use and changing distorted thinking is crucial to success. Indeed, the trouble with a philosophy of 'Eat, drink and be merry for tomorrow we die' is that tomorrow comes and we aren't dead! So, we are wise to first make ourselves aware of our destructive self-talk (thinking that is contrary to our long-term interests) and then refuse to go along with it. While we
cannot will ourselves not to have certain thoughts or feelings, including strong urges, we can learn how to recognize that there are actually thoughts driving our urges and how to refuse to go along with them. We can learn to DISARM them.

Then we can walk away from the situation or get ourselves involved with something other than focusing on our urge to use.

WHEN IT IS USED: When a person indicates that he/she has been having strong urges -- whether or not he/she given in to them.
Ask and answer the following questions:
1. Question: Do I have to give in to the urge because it is intense and hard to
resist?

Answer: No, I don't have to give in. Because the urge is strong, it would be easy
to give in, but I don't HAVE TO. I have had urges that I did not give in to,
therefore it must be possible to resist.

2. Question: Will it be awful to deny myself by not giving into the urge?

Answer: No, it won't be awful. It may be quite unpleasant, but unpleasant is not
awful, it's just unpleasant. If I don't give in to the urge, it will get weaker and come
less frequently. If I do give in, the urge will stay strong, be harder to resist next
time and show up more frequently.

3. Question: Is it really unbearable not to give into this urge?

Answer: I don't like the way it feels to deny my urge, but since it doesn't kill me
not to give in, I can keep on resisting. (Remember, individuals drinking large
amounts of alcohol may need to go to a detox center when they first stop
because the sudden end of alcohol really could be injurious.)
http://www.skysite.org/primer/disarm.html

4. Question: Am I somehow entitled to be able to give up using without strong
urges to go back to using?

Answer: No! I don't have a note from God, my mother, SMART Recovery group
members or anyone else which entitles me not to have strong urges to use. It
may be unpleasant to resist some of my urges, but no one gave me a 'get out of
unpleasantness free' card.

The DISARM method allows the individual experiencing the craving to carefully
and rationally answer a few key questions. The results will help the individual to
understand that the urge truly can be overcome, and that as success is
experienced, the urges will be less strong and will occur less frequently.

DISARMING the 'ENEMY'

Some people find it helpful to use a technique to dissociate yourself from the
voice inside each of us which says, 'It's a good idea to do something selfdestructive.'
It is a game you can play with yourself, which might help you to:
a.) identify the specific thoughts which, if followed, would lead to using when you
have already decided that, in the long term, this choice is not for you, and
b.) steadfastly refuse to go along with this thinking no matter how attractive it
might seem.

Instead of talking yourself into lapsing you can develop powerful countering and
coping statements. To do this, it may help to invent and personify an 'enemy' who
lives in your mind, and whose only purpose is to get you to use. The Enemy
(your alter ego) knows you well, and can change form to take advantage of your
weakest moments. Name your enemy (i.e., salesman, gangster, diplomat, bad
cop). When urges come, ask yourself, 'What is she/he telling me now? How is
she/he trying to trick me?

When thoughts are identified:

1. Without debate, ATTACK the enemy with powerful counter statements: 'Nice
try, jerk. You can't fool me!' You can be as aggressive or profane as your nature
allows with the Enemy - after all, s/he is trying to screw up your life.

2. Then quickly FOCUS on some other thoughts, images, or activities which are
consistent with what you want in the long run and inconsistent with what the
Enemy is saying. The Enemy then looses his power and fades away.
Later on, you can submit the Enemy's tricks to an ABC analysis in order to
dispute them. You usually discover irrational themes and patterns to the thoughts
and arguments the Enemy throws at you. While coping statements alone will
often work, it is important not to omit disputing. If your coping statements aren't
working, it is because you don't believe them as strongly as you believe the
Enemy. Through disputing we can develop powerful coping statements you fully
believe for use in the future. Through actually resisting the Enemy's suggestions,
you become increasingly better at doing it.



These are simply two of many ways to defeat that nasty AV. But hey, I know that both of these work, so let's keep it simple, shall we? Be being aware of the dangers of the Addictive Voice, and mindful of how it can lead us down a path of destruction, we can see the warning signs and the utilize these and other tools in order to stop ourselves before we go places that we would rather not see again. We don't have to let that AV have power over us. We can choose to take back our personal power of choice. What choices are you going to make today?

Peace,

C

[rainbowtwin]

Hey!This is great!Yet again,thanks for this and all you do here.
xrainbow

[CDawg]

bump

[Rocketman]

Thanks Dawg

[tmarie246]

this is excellent info. thanks

[Charlie_Dunver]

Great timing, Dawg!

Thanks.


CD