I Want

[WingsFreed]

Hmm Laurie got me thinking when she said I WANT I WANT I WANT on the struggle thread.

Some years ago a woman I know sat at my table, an avid AA member. She came to my house because my sister talked to her and she wanted to help.

We said hi hugged, it had been years since I last seen her. Then she asked me what I wanted? I know I had a puzzled look on my face and couldn't answer that.

Today I know why, growing up it didn't matter what I wanted, when I did speak up it never mattered, that's what happens when someone controls you, you weren't allowed to have a mind of your own.

That unconscious pattern has been with me all of my life, the not knowing what I want, and still allowing some to control me, even with all the kicking and screaming.

Isn't that odd? Some of us get so stuck because maybe it was like a brainwashing at a young age, we get stuck and don't even realize it, well I do today. Whew feels like I just got hit up the side of the head with a 2x4, hate when that happens lol.