A Slow Learner

[WingsFreed]

Yeah that's me, and I feel alone here. So many have years of sobriety and have moved forward beautifully no matter what's going on in their lives.

I see so many new people here and no one is talking. Do you all have long time sobriety? Am I the only one here who repeatedly keeps going back?

I think of Laurie mentioning the name KING ALCOHOL.....yeah the prince of DARKNESS.

Annie mentioning, the crimes against our bodies.

Chys words .......

You don't know how you help others, how you help in making others feel they are not alone, that many will battle this dreaded problem for a long time if not all their lives so have no shame in your clarity, have no shame at all... I just ask you keep reaching out. We're here.

I think I'm going to be one of the gang who will fight this till the day I die.

Dons words.....

Many people feel great guilt and remorse about their pattern of abstinence and relapse. They feel that change is impossible and they are stuck. They feel they are not worthy of the support that is freely given here, because they've "used it up." And they withdraw.
But that is exactly the time to reach out.

It's something I fully understand, right now I want to run again, the word SOBER.

For those who are like me, I hope you realize how hard this is for me sitting her typing this out, reaching out to YOU, letting you know that you aren't alone even when that part of you likes to make you think that way. Well I'm here as hard as it is for me right now. You see I fell back again, it's day two for me and I still don't feel very good, no surprise, years of continually poisoning ourselves, well.

Leaving this as a reminder to me or others who may have been like myself the other night. Couldn't sleep woke up feeling horrid, got up paced around my insides hurting so bad, the mental part awful awful, wanting to die and get this over with. Sitting on the bathroom floor crying silently for over an hour, the toilet my only friend in those dark hours, wretchedly ill. Wanting to die.

Hubby gets up asked if I'm ok. I tell him NO, I'm so sick. He then says oh it's time we quit this....I reply....do you think SO????????? then says if this doesn't soon stop a divorce will be necessary, as scary as that is for me. He hasn't talked to me since, oh well.

I have to dance tonight, I don't want to, I don't feel good, but I have to pretend AGAIN, then tell myself, to bad old girl it's your own fault, so suffer.

All you YOUNG one's please heed the warning and get HELP now, don't be like me making this a life time of torment, it's not FUN nor FUNNY like some young one's like to think or pull others into thinking, I see that going on where I am.