Power of Prayer

[Muse]

Many of you know that I have been struggling and fighting with my emotions and resentments from my job. I used to be very content, pleasant and mainly enjoyed my work. Now, I dread, am stressed to the max. I'm easy to anger and snap and can't find any serenity.

This stems from me moving into another position. I have taken on the scheduling for my institution and one other. The work load has shifted mostly on me and I have to travel to the other work site, once or twice a week. I have more work and less time and I'm not getting paid more money for taking on the huge endeavor. That is where my unhappiness creeps in.

First my job description is re-written to meet the colleges monetary needs. I still have the same pay and job title, but doing things I wasn't hired to do. I am burning with resentment over this. My laid back easy going job has taken on a whole new feeling of tension. It is affecting me physically and I have been experiencing anxiety that I haven't experienced since I've gotten sober.

I feel like I am absolutely being taken advantage of in the name of saving a buck. When I tried to talk about the false promises that were offered, then taken away, then never spoken of again, I got a strange look and a funny shrug. This leads me to believe this is a topic that isn't a welcome one.

I'm afraid I'm going to blurt out my frustration and disgust in a burst of anger. That isn't how I want to handle myself. I have prayed and asked for guidance, asked for a solution and asked for happiness. I just want a feeling of satisfaction and a clear understanding of where I stand and being recognized for the work I am doing.

I have noticed my boss is bending over backwards trying to keep me happy. She can't give me what I want in my job field, but she is trying to make things easier for me in any way she can. I think she senses my frustration and wants to divert a train wreck. This goes over her head. The head I want on a platter is her boss's head.

Last night I was feeling extremely frustrated and was praying and meditating heavily on the situation. A feeling of peace washed over me and I had faith and hope that things would work out and there would be a change ahead. I don't know if it is someplace else, or perhaps I can get my wish of being given the title of the job I am currently working. Time will tell.

I believe that there are some illegal activities taking place with the holding back of titles and re-writing the job classifications. I am working a job that is classified 4 classes above what I am classified now. That is a significant amount of money more than what I am making now and Lord knows I could sure use it. If you have worked the job for 6 months, the job, the title, is yours. It states so in our contract. That factor has been dismissed and swept under the carpet. Bottom line, I have been trying to turn it over and let go, but I'm having a tough time doing so. I felt that I had done a good job in doing that last night. I felt peace for the first time in a long time.

Today, I find out that our union rep is coming to meet up with our office staff. This is the first time this has ever happened since anyone can remember. What a perfect time to voice my concerns and get feed back on what is taking place and to get some much needed advice. I am so looking forward to this meeting. If nothing else, at least I can vent and get this off of my chest. Maybe this isn't the answer, maybe something else will come my way, but it sure feels like a change of pace could be in order. I'd like to feel that this is part of my solution heading my way. It is the closest thing to a solution that I have seen yet.