If I've got to pay the piper ...

[Charon]

... then why shouldn't I dance.

I've been sober since my surgery (21 days) with a one day stupid error for which I apologised (sp?) to my "wife". My daughter (Emily) came to visit last Friday. She was off work through Wednesday. On Saturday my "wife" told me that Emily had asked how I was doing and she told Emily that "I was trying, for the most part."
(ASIDE: DId my daughter ask? or did my "wife" innitiate - I don't know)

I'm seriously pissed! She could have said "so far so good" or "he's only had one bad day since his surgery" or "he's trying and for the most part succeeding" - BUT NO - she had to make it look like I was making little or no progress/effort. I had some good time with Emily over the weekend but there was a distance and a lack of connection. If I'm going to be accused, tried, convicted and publically hung without benifit of rebutal, why shouldn't I do the crime?

I am so F*****g tired of my "wife" undermining me with both kids. I put up with so much of her know it all, patronizing s**t, and her continual cheap put downs (there's much more but I won't get into it). I bite my tongue to keep quiet so as not to cause any drama. I think I really need to consider the idea that the only way I'm going to be able to get totally, eternally sober and have a real life is to make a total break with her, regardless of what the kids think.

I feel that I have something (not everything) to offer - to someone, somewhere, sometime, who might appreciate what I am - someone that I can appreciate as well - someone I might never find. And If there is no one I connect with, so what? I need to have a life that I can be proud of, that is me, that I can abide - connected with a love or not. Right now I'm facing the fact that I might have to make a very difficult decision. Should I dance or walk away? I really don't want to dance. Drink holds no good for me.