Last chance to show love

[mspetra]

About a month or so ago I went out fishing. I went to my favorite fishing location where we are all like family. We get together and act like little kids. I have a ball every time I go there.
When I got there that night I was told that one of my fishing buddies had passed on. At first I didn't know who they were talking about. I figured it out after a while though. I knew exactly who they were talking about. I was deeply saddened by the news. I liked him a lot. We have had a lot of fun there together. He was like a brother to me. I cried.
About two weeks ago I went out fishing again at the same location. As I was rigging up my rods to catch the big one and I heard him call my name. I froze and dropped the piece of bait out of my hand. I turned around and there he was walking up to me with a big smile on his face.
I couldn't believe it! I ran to him and hugged him. I was so happy to see him. I didn't mention to him that I Thought it was him that had passed.
I made him take his lines out of the water a ways down and come and cast out right next to me. I wouldn't let him leave my side. I shared my food, beverages, and bait with him. He had some friends with him. They couldn't believe the outpouring of love that they were witnessing. He calmly explained to them that is how it is at that location. We are all like family.
I ended up teaching one of his friends how to fish and letting him use one of my rods. We had a really great time. I was so happy.
He left before I did. I gave him another big hug and kiss on the cheek. Again, that was about two weeks ago.
On Saturday October 1st I got a call from one of my fishing buddies telling me that he had a stroke earlier that morning and he was gone. I was dumbfounded. I couldn't believe it. Everyone has called me with the news including his friend that I taught how to fish. This time it's true. My friend is gone. I can't believe I'll never see that silly grin or hear his contagious laughter again.
From the time that I recieved the first call I have been quiet. It is like I am lost at sea, bobbing up and down, riding the waves. I am not even calling out for help. That's how I feel.
I have talked a little to some of the folks in my sober network.
I noticed that I am cutting the conversations shorter and shorter now. I just want to get through the day. That is until the funeral. Then I just want to get through that. My mind keeps going blank.
Please don't take it personal if I don't respond to your comments. I really feel like being quiet right now.

Peace and Blessings