Hmmm,

This is going to be king of interesting because I've never done anything like a blog before. But I figured, why not? I can use this as a place where I can put together my random thoughts on where I am in my recovery, and what's going on in my life.

So, whare AM I in my recovery? Oh Shit!! I just realized the date! Today is the 28th. And why is that important? Because it means that the four year anniversary of my last slip with crack cocaine was 6 DAYS AGO AND I DIDN'T EVEN FREAKING NOTICE!!!! That's kinda cool. But it also means I had so much crap on my mind that I wasn't paying attention. I was so damn busy trying to make sure that I could get another job as fast as I can. Because the bills don't stop just because the paychecks do. And I have to admit. I spent the first three days trying to come to grips with the fact that I had just gotten screwed. Then I crawled into a fetal position (mentally) for a day. THEN acceptance started to come. And when I broke out and started looking around this site, I saw people in more dire needs than me, which brought my out of my "pity party for one". And then it was time to put together an aggressive attack plan and put it into motion. So I did, and the result is that now I'm employed again, and at a higher rate of pay. A guy asked me in a group today (because I talk about my stuff, too) if I thought that this was a lesson from GOD in humility. And I had to actually think about that one. Because if you don't know me, the self-confidence that I have can easily be perceived as arogance. But hey, your perception of me is just that-- your perception. It might not BE my reality.

See, there are so many times when I can take a lesson fom life that I've stopped counting them. It happens on almost a daily basis. I love too hard and too fast. I can live without a woman, but I'd rather not. I LIKE affection. And I miss it when it's not there. Of course these days I'm working on choosing better. My track record ain't the best. And I'm already 0-3 in KC. This is how my luck goes.

When I moved here it was with the intention of getting back together with my ex. Her intention turned out to be "we're just gonna be friends - with benefits". That doesn't work for me. So we've been friends w/o benefits since I've been here. Dated a woman for two weeks. Turns out she's married. And she's leaving for Germany to rejoin her Army husband. I thought that was kinda foul of her. Ended that. Started dating someone in the beginning of Feb. She goes back to Alaska to visit her family and runs into her childhood sweetheart -- her first love. Guess where that leaves me? I'd be crying my eyes out if this wasn't so damn funny. You wanna get back with your ex? Come date me.... :great:

So who says we can't see the humour in everyday life? I should take this story on the road and do stand up. And meanwhile, I'm looking into nearby monasteries. :ohshit:

So this is my very first blog entry. I hope it gave you a chuckle. Because I'm sitting here reading and cracking up......:rofl::tofunny:

Peace,

C

CDawg