Anyone stuggling? Post here!!

[Giyana]

I keep wanting to encourage a thread (again) for all those still struggling (yes, me too, with a prescription medication I am quitting).

But one of the advantages of having a group is that we support each other; it is very powerful. I started another thread "I'm in trouble", but I meant it not to be just about me; it is about connecting people with people; so this is a revised version. As so often happens, the people who need to post most don't because they want to wait until they are "OK", and not let the evil demon who takes us over show in our desperate, drunken, confused words.

Folks (visible and lurkers), it helps us all when someone shares their difficulties in getting/staying clean and sober. No scarlet letters here-just some honest words.

I never hope to be completely free of the desire to leave the cares of the world behind through some chemical measure, but I DO know, that when I am in trouble, it is my friends who give me the strength to go on, and the knowledge I have gained through conversations on this site.

Join in, fellow travelers,

Gianna

[daisy]

Hey Gianna

I also replied in the "I'm in trouble" thread . Among other things I am struggling, once again, with my prescription pain medication and have come to the conclusion that it needs to go. Pain or no pain I need to find a way to handle it. Due to mismanagement of my prescription I find myself short for the month and having to cut my daily dose by half just to make it till my next doctor appointment. So I am in a state of withdrawal which is quite unpleasant to say the least. I ask myself why on earth would a person want to take something that causes such hardship if I one has to go without! I am long over due for an overhaul of SELF....seems like I have been just floating through my life for the past few years and not experiencing any real personal growth.

Anyway thanks again for giving me a forum to vent....I am the worst at reaching out when in trouble and doubt I would have said anything at all had this thread not been here

daisy

[KilgoreTrout]

Well, I suppose I fit into the category of struggling lately, I work all day to get back to normal, balanced, and I do a pretty good job, but when I wake up, it's like a vampire came in the night and sucked all love and light and jolly and holy out of me. Every morning when I open my eyes I feel immense horribleness, overwhelming dread, I have to create enormous energy from nowhere first just to get out of bed, then to go on with my day, mostly I can work myself out of it at some point, but just back to even. Then, I come post about it here, and several of my closest friends get angry with me for not immediately taking their advice on how to deal with this, to the point where some are not speaking with me presently, and that makes me feel ever more horrible, and judged, and insignificant, and on and on it goes. Thanks Gianna, I'll pass the stick now.
((((Gianna))))
((((Daisy))))

[Giyana]

KT, I have found when I wake up with that dread, the awful anxiety in the pit of my stomach, that if I just get up, log on here, and chat a bit, that it goes away pretty quickly. I just have to remind myself to GET UP!!!

Usually someone is one here: either Indigo, or one of the Aussies...talk to them! it helps.

[Leesa]

Hi Mr. Trout,

IMO, you look at the positive aspects of this post like ....

Originally Posted by KilgoreTrout

I work all day to get back to normal, balanced, and I do a pretty good job mostly I can work myself out of it at some point,

More often, than not, we expect too much out of ourselves, too fast. Sounds like you're doing pretty good, to me.
(((((((Mr. Trout)))))))

[CDawg]

To me as well, KT.

And Gi, you inspire me.....

Peace,

C

[RoseH2O]

Ah Kt, sorry you are having a rough go. I think your vampire visited me recently as I have been stuck in a funk.

I have also experienced the problem with people getting upset when we don't do just as others have told us. And that sure can get to us if we let it. I try to remember I make me feel bad, others do not have control of my feelings. Yes they may get pushy, controlling or do things we don't agree with but only I can let them get to me. With that said I know it sure can be hard not to let it get to us, especially if it is someone we care about and trust.

Life is a journey and we learn new things every day. Sometimes we get off on a bumpy road and it takes forever to get back on the expressway.

Hang in there dear KT, there are many of us who adore you.
rose

Originally Posted by KilgoreTrout

Well, I suppose I fit into the category of struggling lately, I work all day to get back to normal, balanced, and I do a pretty good job, but when I wake up, it's like a vampire came in the night and sucked all love and light and jolly and holy out of me. Every morning when I open my eyes I feel immense horribleness, overwhelming dread, I have to create enormous energy from nowhere first just to get out of bed, then to go on with my day, mostly I can work myself out of it at some point, but just back to even. Then, I come post about it here, and several of my closest friends get angry with me for not immediately taking their advice on how to deal with this, to the point where some are not speaking with me presently, and that makes me feel ever more horrible, and judged, and insignificant, and on and on it goes. Thanks Gianna, I'll pass the stick now.
((((Gianna))))
((((Daisy))))

[KilgoreTrout]

Originally Posted by daisy

I am long over due for an overhaul of SELF....seems like I have been just floating through my life for the past few years and not experiencing any real personal growth.

I hear ya daisy, sometimes it's all we can do to feel sane and stay sober, this can last a long long time, finding ways to actively grow away from our former selves is a little trickier. Maybe we can think up some things together? ((((Daisy))))

Thank you all for your kind words, thanks Gianna.

[housewitch]

I am struggling with who I have become. I knew myself before and I may not of liked myself but it was familiar. I have stopped drinking (well mostly like 85%) and my depression is treated. However, I have lost sight of who I am.

so I struggle to find myself. People are not responding the way I thought. Like I thought
"ok I get sober that will make them all happy" but no it does work like that it seems. Kilgore no one can suck you up. finding a new person is hard but no doubt it gets easier

[daisy]

(((KT))) You are such a good hearted, kindly soul and I thank you for reaching out to me Seems to me that sometimes we don't want advice sometimes we just want to vent. When I write I get things out of my head and onto paper where I can see what I am feeling and somehow, hopefully, it all starts making sense, and I start making the necessary changes. Trouble is when we put things out there we often get undesirable feedback. I do believe most folks have good intentions but some can be a bit overbearing in their effort to get us to do things their way! I called an old friend the other day and told her of my troubles. I have regretted it ever since as I have been bombarded daily with well meaning but unwanted advice

Housewitch .... I quit smoking 14 months ago...quite an achievement I thought! My husband, who has never smoked, got in my face one day over a piece of my discarded chewing gum. He had found it laying on the floor of his van....guess I missed the garbage can. I was devastated...the ungratful lout at least I wasn't killing him with my second hand smoke anymore. We don't always get the praise we think we deserve when we stop being self distructive do we. I understand how you feel as I am standing at the gates of change myself. I have fallen into a rut these past few years and furnished it...it if familiar but not the place I thought I would be at this stage of my life.

thanks for listening

daisy

[Giyana]

Daisy, you are so often online when I get up in the morning; how are you doing? I don't know why I don't just PM you!

I hope you are finding some help and solace here-it is a pretty great place,

Gianna

[daisy]

Hey Gianna that would be nice I usually get up real early as I can't sleep and I come on here and read... So yes please PM me that would be nice ... thank you

daisy

[housewitch]

Hi
I am still struggling with it all. I want to throw in the towel and I know I cant. I feel rather flat but then again thats normal. I am doing everything I feel is right, being more socialble, being visible at work and really doing stuff and I still feel "not quite right" I gave up the AA meetings - hated them. Hung around smart a while, didnt like them either. Is it me? Oh well its Sunday and its a nice day and I better do some cleaning!

[daisy]

Sorry your struggling right now housewitch When I first got sober back in the late eighties. An elder woman in AA took me aside and told me she had to stay busy to stay sober. Well at the time I had gone back to university to finish my degree, worked as a waitress and had kids at home so no problem there I was such a drunk before I quit and had spent a lot of time sitting on bar stools...I am ashamed to admit! Anyway my early days were filled with AA meetings, school, work and family and I believe all that busyness is what kept me sane and sober. I got so lucky when I first went to AA as a handful of folks around my age showed up at the same time and we all clicked. We hung out at each other's houses and spent lots of time on the phone. Now I am not pushing AA by any means as I had my own "falling out of love" party with them a long time ago but I do highly recommend some kind of face to face interaction. It is just easier not to have to go through the changes you are going through alone in my humble opinion.

Take care

daisy

[Little Missy]

Originally Posted by housewitch

I gave up the AA meetings - hated them. Hung around smart a while, didnt like them either. Is it me?

When I think everyone else is the problem, the problem is usually me. They may be saying something I need to hear, but don't want to hear. They may be suggesting something to help me, and I just wasn't willing to do it.

But I had to do something or my alcoholism was going to destroy me. So I kept at it. Changed the way I was looking at things. These people helped me. They led me out of the darkness and into the light.

My life is so much better now because of the support of other alcoholics in recovery. It truely is a gift when one alcoholic shares with another. Together we can make it.

[indigo]

Well I seem to be making a start on sabotaging myself, although there is a sheeps cheese 'brebis' they make in the mountains and it is irrisistable (sp) to me and I have to admit to being in the Basque mountain region last week and bought a very large piece, I am eating it very slowly.....so a little progress here.

[CindyTX]

Hi Gianna... Thanks for this thread.

I'm new here and my name is Cindy. I've been clean from my D.O.C. since 1/28/2008 and I'm struggling very hard right now. I keep the struggle mostly hidden so noone really knows how hard I'm fighting with myself. I don't have any friends around where I live (I just moved here) and no clean and sober friends at all.

I hope this community helps.

Thanks again.. Cindy

[Chy]

Hi Cindy and welcome to the Sober Village!
You are not the only one here struggling as you can see. Please vent, get it out and let us now how we can help. Big congrats on your sober time!!

Housewitch- I remember those feelings well, please know that you are not alone in them, they eventually pass though I myself am still waiting for my parade. I promise it will get better just keep moving in the positive direction, think positive and give it your all, balance will come.

[Done-With-It!]

Originally Posted by CindyTX

Hi Gianna... Thanks for this thread.

I'm new here and my name is Cindy. I've been clean from my D.O.C. since 1/28/2008 and I'm struggling very hard right now. I keep the struggle mostly hidden so noone really knows how hard I'm fighting with myself. I don't have any friends around where I live (I just moved here) and no clean and sober friends at all.

I hope this community helps.

Thanks again.. Cindy

Cindy have you thought of trying any CMA meetings?
I did some of those in my first year, esp. when I
was really struggling. I met some great people also.

[indigo]

Hi Cindy this is a great friend for anyone old timers and new can come and get things off their chest, it really does help. Looking forward to getting to know you better.
(((KT))) (((Gianna))) (((Daisy))) (((Housewitch))) (((LM))) everyone hope things are going a little easier on you all today. I am still controlling myself.