If its not one thing its another

[@nother@ddict3902]

Hey family, sorry i havent post in a few but lifes been um life . For me its a rollercoaster its up n down an when i feel its finally straight bam there goes a hoop. an its like a hoop of every thing from finding a job , guys, meetings an all . these last few days i havent been on ive realized how much it helps to get on. idk i know tht relationships arent healthy untill at least a year but i like a guy alot an ive grown up with me an beleive he would help more than hurt its not like he uses or ever did so why wait ? then job u know i put the applications in i do as iam supposed to but its still likke i cant get hire so i feel hopeless an want to quit . an meeting i go every friday but should i go more the last topic was showing your dues to recovery an idk if i pay mine cause once i pay i take them back in relapse its crazy they say my thought will slow down but lately all they do is pace an speed up an then i have a root canal so theygive me narcos knowing im a addict i tell them but they say this will stop the pain untill i can get in . i have the ditrubuted to me but i still find those funny thought in the back of my head . an my granny is a diabetic so she has needles all the time an i went there today an she asked me to do her insilent . my mom freaked thou i mean i understand they are worried but iam not a child an dont alwas have to be sheltered cause the changes in how they act are noticable . an i have to face my fears at some point sooner or later its better later but any way i will have to