my drinking is destroying my relationship

[kygirl]

Hello. I am new to this, and am terrified I just lost my boyfriend because I once again got drunk and said some very mean, abusive things. We have been together for about a year and a half, and have had some very amazing times together and share many healthy outdoors and active activities together. We drink too much when we are together, and we go through periods where we work on it and periods where we drink every night.

This past weekend he went out of town, and I was upset that he went out of town and didn't include me, so I decided to sit at home and get hammered. Then, I decide to send him about 30 mean text messages, breaking up with him, calling him a liar, addict etc etc. I woke up the next morning with that horrible feeling of regret and think I may have just permanently ended us. This has happened before, and I have vowed it will never happen again, yet it always does. Months may past, but the drinking just gets a hold of me and I lose my rationale.

I am a very kind person, I am always fun to be around, I am giving and affectionate and care for him deeply. When I drink, I can not stop after one or two drinks, but end up drinking until I am hammered. I don't always get angry and say mean things, but it does happen too frequently.

He is not the only boyfriend who has told me I have a problem. I grew up with an alcoholic mother. I know I have a problem but I can;t control it. I have always hung around drinkers, I love to party and have fun, but it looks as though I may lose the most important person in my life and be stuck alone with a bottle.

What do I do? How do I redeem myself? How do I prove to him I don't mean those things I say? I may have harsh feelings trapped inside towards him because I do believe he cheated on me a few months ago (he says I pushed him away from our fighting) and I have a hard time controlling my emotions about it when I drink.
Help!

[LuckyV2]

Originally Posted by kygirl

but I can;t control it. I have always hung around drinkers, I love to party and have fun, but it looks as though I may lose the most important person in my life and be stuck alone with a bottle.

What do I do? How do I redeem myself? How do I prove to him I don't mean those things I say? I may have harsh feelings trapped inside towards him because I do believe he cheated on me a few months ago (he says I pushed him away from our fighting) and I have a hard time controlling my emotions about it when I drink.
Help!

Welcome! Glad that you are here.

I only know that if my ex didn't kick me out back in 2001 I would be dead by now. Cause I would have never tried anything different if she let me back in the door. I haven't stayed sober all that time. More sober than not. Actually today is my 6 months from my last drink! Wow. I know if I can do it you can too.

Also You should be the most important person in your life. If we can not care for ourselves, and trust me I have a huge amount of self esteem problems, than we can't be any good for anyone else.

I hope you keep coming Back!

[Rocketman]

Hi kygirl,
I don't have a lot to share at the moment as I still continue to drink.
I do know that alcohol has no respect for who or what you are.
I was arrested yesterday for a DUI. So far it has cost me $690.00 and I haven't even been to court yet.

There are a lot of people here with a lot of experience and sobriety.
Keep coming back and talk to us. -K-

[Giyana]

Hi kygirl,

This is a very good place to be, and feel safe posting. Be sure your boyfriend cannot get into this site and find your posts: easy to do-just be sure you log out, clear your browser history and empty the cache. I only say that because a lot of honest things need to be said and my boyfriend read them all when I was careless a few years ago.

I don't know how your relationship will be; mine is still intact but it has so many holes in it that one more drink on my part will end it.

As Vic says above, we need to learn to love ourselves and often that comes by dealing with our drinking. You can't help that you are an alcoholic (if you believe you are) but you can do something about it, starting now.

Many will be along to offer help and their stories.

VERY GLAD YOU ARE HERE!

Gianna

[Tom_WY]

Hello KyGirl,
I am too familiar with the circumstances. I too got to the point that I would say some pretty nasty things to those around me. My problem was being a "caregiver" to my family, and not taking care of myself. If you get your own act together, everything else starts falling into place. I was wearing myself down and then I would get hammered, and take out my frustration on others. For me the first step was to let go of the past. It is done, and cannot be changed. No guilt, where would that get me? No anger, what does it accomplish? Cleaning my slate, allowed me to concentrate on myself. On changing my behavior. My problem solving techniques, became much more affective without alcohol in the picture.
Now that I have learned how to care for myself, I have the energy to care for others in a way they truely appreciate. You cannot stop drinking for someone else, it has to be something you do for yourself. Every day without a drink is a success, and you must recognize it as such. Give yourself a pat on the back, and move on to the next one. Those around you, who really care about you, will recognize your success too, though it will take them some time to believe it is true. Be patient with them and yourself.
Imagine going for a 5K hike in the woods, and giving up at 3K. You sit down and move no more.....ever. Having a few drinks is the same thing. Go for a hike, and enjoy it, all of it.......

[indigo]

Glad you found us us, lots of support & friendship without judgement to be found here.

[Eve]

Dear kygirl, I like you am a Ky. girl as well! I believe you like me need to stop drinking honey. It's only been 2 whole days for me but I am determined to pull myself out of this hole I've dug myself into. No one else but you can do that. We grew up in a culture that promotes partying and trust me I've done my share however when you have a history of alcoholism in your family like we both do it places us at a higher risk than most for self destruction. I didn't use to drink daily it just tends to creep up on you. I just ended a relationship that was not healthy for me because I began to realize that he promoted my drinking when I told him I needed to reign it in. That's not in my best interest.
That's not love. Relationships and hard drinking= Disaster. Good luck. I'm here. One day at a time. Eve