Numb

[Electric]

This is harder than I thought,thought I was prepared for this,I broke off My relationship of 3 years with my girlfriend for one major reason, commitment for a loving and stable future,through thick and thin no matter what,i sat down with her and asked Her where we stood,and after all the 3 years i was right she does not feel the way i do,yet did not ever tell me her true feelings,i figured i could handle this,now im devistated,it has set in, im alone again,im so tore up it hurts to even think of Her,my job is all screwed up,my boss is my landlord,if i lose my job i am sure to lose my home,i am losing everything i have worked so hard to achieve,i feel like crying everytime she comes to my mind,its hard to function at work,i watch tv and have to shut it off if things hit me wrong,i smell certain things and it makes me crumble, no matter where i go or what im doing,my heart aches,a part of me has died,i feel so weak,i keep thinking its just a bad nightmare, my sleep is all screwed up with my daily life, i keep thinking did i dream this, or is it real, my days are running together,its already the end of the week, what will i do with my weekend,where will i go if i lose my job tomorrow, my house,the thought of being homeless freaks me out,last time i was homeless i was so strung out on drugs and alcohol,i had nothing,yet i was chemicaly induced in a trance to subdue my pain, i am hurting so bad right now, i want to medicate,scratch that , my mind wants to medicate, but my heart is winning not to.for the first time in my life in a very long time i feel so not wanted by anyone,to never really fit in anywhere,it all started when i was 12 years old, my whole life has been get what they want from me,then told to leave, or we dont want you here,where do i go now, what do i do now,who will ever really love me for me truly,,truly....im sad today,i dont want to be sad anymore,and lonely, this part of my life i need to be happy and balanced,thats all i need,i have endured enough pain for so many years, enough for many lifetimes,no more pain please....
Christopher ~