Devastated

[Phinny]

... well, not devastated maybe... but really, really hurt.

I just found out that my long-distance b/f (and closest friend) is scamming to date other women. And you know what? That's not the wost of it. He already cheated on me once. Well, I had broken it off by then, but... you know, it's complicated. Anyway, fool me once, shame on you... fool me twice, shame on me?

How did I get sucked into this? I feel so hurt and betrayed and... I don't know what.

But not devastated. No, devastated was when my husband moved out of our house when I was in treatment. Devastated was when I got divorce papers on my birthday. Devastated was watching a fairy-tale marriage fall to pieces - watching two people who loved each other more than life itself, try to destroy each other. Devastated was driving 2,000 miles and setting up an apartment with my brother (for god's sake) to get away from the man I once loved.

I feel like I just got kicked in the gut.

Good old "emotionally unavailable" Phinny, huh? What a sucker I am. The men just took that as a challenge. And the person who almost got my heart again turns out to be a player.

What a sad, sad lesson. I just hate feeling this way. You know? I mean, what hope is there for a good relationship if...?

Sigh. Back to licking my wounds...