crs3 Story - Beware. You know Im not succint

[crs3]

Hi,
My name is Bob and I’m an alcoholic and a drug addict. I’m grateful not to be in restraints today. If you have spent any substantial amount of time the psych ward you can appreciate that statement. Sometimes I still get confused as to which side the bars the crazy people are at.
I am writing to share some of my experience strength and hope, mostly hope because if you are anything like me, towards the end, hope was the last thing I had.

I grew up in a seemingly stable Christian family environment. Went to church every Sunday morning and night, bible study on wed nights very much a strong, stable Christian family on the outside. Upper middle class, I had everything I wanted and then some. Nice house with a pool. My own room and private bathroom but with a lot of deep dark secrets along with it. They say you are only as sick as your secrets, well I was plenty sick then.

I went to a very stable elementary school, one of the best in the city. Got high marks in all the subjects, never got into any trouble. Oh I had the normal fights boys do but nothing serious. But even in grammar school there was a dark cloud over my head all the time. No one saw it, many of us learn to be great actors and actresses at a very early age. It’s what we do, it’s what’s expected. I went on to Jr. High school where I quickly became the class clown. I was heavily into sports at that time and lettered in track, basketball and football. It was also during that time that I was introduced to drugs. Pot was very common in the 70’s. It was uncommon if you didn’t smoke pot. I think it was mostly chance however that I didn’t get involved with hard core drugs at this time. I used the usual stuff, pot, alcohol, kenebinal. My drug use, while not really considered abuse at this stage did affect my grades. And this caused some trouble in the home life. My sisters were already in an advanced stage having grown up in the 60’s. They were experimenting with drugs like secanol and acid. This just caused the home life to be that much more stressful. I continued to advance in sports and was on the 1st string in football and an all-star catcher in baseball. It was also during this time I started getting involved in church camp. The youth pastor at my church was the director of a bible camp and was asking me to be involved. I started out working in maintenance but also worked in the kitchen, which led to being a camp counselor and then assistant program director. I had a natural talent for leadership and the director saw this and tried to encourage it. I believe this provided me with the stability I needed that kept me from going over the edge. I would go back to my usual drugging activities and then clean up for my duties as camp assistant program director then right back to drugging again. As if on schedule was promoted from assistant program director to program director and took the job very seriously and again was a natural. The summer went very quickly and I found myself not knowing exactly what to do with my life. My parents had decided to retire and sell the house and move to Colorado. So I moved into my best friends garage. My drug use had pretty much all but stopped. This was mainly due to the lack of funds and that I was really into isolating at this point and being a loner. Well it was at this point some really weird shit started to happen. My best friends mom made a pass at me. We were in her bed and I was lying on top of her and I just completely freaked out. She had just told me that I was an angel sent to her from God. Looking down at her seeing my best friends mom and getting ready to have sex with her just pushed me a little to far. I called the director of the camp. I really didn’t know whom else to call, I had no friends at this point, and God bless him he drove the 100+ miles that night and picked me up and took me home with him.

This was when the next phase of my life started. After moving in with the director I didn’t really have any plans of what I was going to do. After a few weeks of doing nothing he told me I needed to get busy looking for a job or going to school. Anything.
Well I enrolled in college as a psychology major and got a nightshift job at a local convenience store. It was at this job that I was introduced to my next course of dugs. Primarily. Methadmetaphine and cocaine. What a rush. It helped me get through the long nights at work after taking the 18 units of school I doing during the day. Sometimes not sleeping for 4 days at a time this pace was slowly killing me. I started skipping classes, got behind in all my schoolwork and ended up dropping out of school. I didn’t bother to tell the director any of this. I just continued to work graveyard and do drugs all day. I dropped down to a deathly 150 pounds and looked like a skeleton. The director finally got wind of what I was up to, actually I think he knew for a while, we always think we are putting up a good front and everyone around us can smell it a mile away.
Anyway he asked me to leave. I was glad to get out from under any watchful eye and moved in with one of the guys at the store. For the next year it was just massive amounts of speed and coke. I don’t remember much of those days. I remember some crazy stuff I used to do like ride my motorcycle through the living room at a party cause I was pissed I wasn’t invited. Well, eventually I lost my job. Without any income to support my drug use I lied to my parents and told them I wanted to go to a Christian college in Michigan.
I sold my motorcycle for 100.00 and took the bus to Michigan.

This was the beginning of the next phase of my life.