day 1

[lizard]

hi - i am new here. very thankful to have found this group. just a quick intro - i am a single mom of 2. i work in construction and love my job. i am 36, and have been drinking since i was 13. tried to stop many times. i am starting to fear for my health among other things. my life is finally, literally out of control. lately i am only happy when i am at work and i dread coming home. there are so many issues and i have let things go so badly that it is overwhelming. i am very disappointed in myself because this weekend i wanted to accomplish a lot - get my house cleaned, catch up on some things. i just don't have the energy or the ambition - and it feels like too much work. i went out last night and have been paying for it all day. i drink every day - sometimes more than others, but daily. this is not going to be easy. i am afraid of the idea of "tapering" because it has never worked in the past - all i do is slow down until i feel more in control and confident - then i go off the deep end again. i have no eaten well or slept well in ages - and it is a struggle to do the simplest things. today i am just trying to heal and rest. but i have a lot of things to get done for the beginning of the week, and no ambition at all.