I Don't Play Hurt

[CodieCW]

by Alan Cohen

People often ask me who my gurus are. Years ago I would rattle off the names of various well-known sages whose names ended with "-ananda" (many of them Jewish fellows who traded "Goldstein" for a swami name.) And indeed there are many wonderful such teachers.

More recently I have been impressed by ordinary people who don't talk much
about spiritual matters; they just live it. After hearing and talking about
unconditional love for many years, I find it quite refreshing to see it in
action with no hype or flourishes. These hidden gurus masquerade as hotel
cleaning ladies, shoe shiners, or rental car shuttle bus drivers. They look
like regular people, and they are -- except they are extraordinarily shiny
and they embody a simple earthy wisdom that stops me in my tracks.

My most recent encounter with a saint-in-drag was with a limo driver who
picked me up at the Los Angeles Airport. Terry was a tall, husky
African-American man who could have just as easily worked as a bouncer. His
hair was buzzed almost to his scalp, his neck the width of a mortal man's
thigh, and he did not smile much. He arrived at baggage claim about 20
minutes late, but I was not about to get in his face.

Terry apologized for being late, explaining that he had had a minor fender
bender in the airport parking lot; a young lady who had just gotten her
driver's license that day, tapped his car in the rear end. Although there
was no damage, they had exchanged paperwork.

Along the route I overheard Terry reporting his mishap to his dispatcher
over the 2-way radio. "Was there any damage to the car?" asked the
dispatcher.

"None," Terry answered curtly.

"Did you get hurt?" was the next question.

"Not really."

"How's your neck feel?"

"Feels alright."

Short silence. Dispatcher returns: "You know, there could be some cash in
this for you."

Although I felt a bit disgusted to hear this, I was not surprised; lots of
people think like this. But Terry's response did surprise me. In a very
authoritative manner, he answered, "I don't play hurt."

I don't play hurt. Now there's an affirmation to file in a conspicuous
place. I don't play hurt. My God, that's exactly what I've been learning for
30 years! (And how many lifetimes?) Don't play small. Don't assume a victim
position. Don't seek rewards for pain. Be magnificent. Be self-empowered. Be
whole. Play grand, for that's who you -- all of us -- truly are.

Why, if we are all so grand, would people want to play small? Because they
believe that the rewards for pain outweigh what they would be receiving if
they were well and whole. Let's consider some of the rewards we might
garnish for being hurt: money; gifts; attention; sympathy; control over
others; getting out of work; escaping relationships with unresolved issues;
avoiding undesired sex; postponing decision making; being right; an
identity; acceptance in a group which glorifies similar pain; and on and on.

Now let's consider the benefits of not playing hurt: integrity; honesty;
health; prosperity; success; rewarding relationships; self-empowerment; and
peace of mind. The entire list of worldly rewards for playing small doesn't
add up in value to even one of the benefits of practicing wholeness. The
rewards for victimhood are not satisfying at all; they only drive pain,
separateness, and illusion deeper. The benefits of living large are
empowering and go on gathering good.

Consider the scenario of a man walking down a street when a flowerpot falls
off a windowsill above him and crashes at his feet, narrowly missing hitting
him. There are several paths of response the fellow could take: (1) Victim:
he slips into feeling vulnerable, goes home, feels sorry for himself, and
sends away for self-protection equipment; (2) Retaliator: he dashes up to
the apartment from which the flower pot fell and punches out the owner; (3)
Stoic: he reasons that it was simply his karma for the flower pot to miss
him and he keeps walking; and (4) Healer: he goes to the florist on the
corner, purchases another flower, finds the apartment from which the pot
fell, and gives it to the owner to replace the one he accidentally lost.

Obviously, the path of the healer is the most empowering and regenerative.
The healer "don't play hurt." We have all felt hurt. We don't have to stay
hurt. It takes a big person to grow beyond the seeming rewards for
smallness. Terry knows. He was bumped unexpectedly, but he would rather get on with the fun portion of the ride.

About The Author:
Alan Cohen is the author of the best-selling Why Your Life Sucks and What
You Can Do About It, a Book of the Month Club selection, and the
award-winning A Deep Breath of Life. If you enjoyed this article, you will
love Alan's newly published collection of his best articles, Looking in for
Number One.(The above books can be ordered by clicking on the book titles.)
For more information about Alan's books, tapes, seminars, and Mastery
Training in Maui, call 1-800-568-3079, visit www.alancohen.com, email
admin@... or write P.O. Box 835, Haiku, HI 96708.