CAFFEINE ADDICT'S QUIZ

[CAPTAINZING]

CAFFEINE ADDICT'S QUIZ

Do you want to know if you suffer from "Alertness
Deficit Disorder" (ADD)?

Then just take this simple quiz. These questions will
help us to determine whether or not you suffer from
this terrible affliction; the only known cure for which
is caffeine. ADD takes the lives of millions of Americans,
hundreds of Canadians, and a handful of Ugandans
every year. If that doesn't scare you, let's just say
that you are more susceptible than anyone else.
YES, YOU! If you suffer from this disease, missing just
one trip to Starbucks could be FATAL.

The following series of Yes/No questions will allow us
to determine your Addiction Factor(TM). Keep track of
the number of Yes and No answers you get and chart
yourself at the end. Remember: Prevention is the best
medicine. Or was it laughter? Either way, read on.

• Do you use coffee to escape from your problems?
• Do you eat sthingyfuls of instant coffee because it's easier?
• Have you ever woken up in a puddle of your own coffee?
• Do you find that it's easier to drink more coffee than
  go to sleep?
• Have you ever drunk right out of the pot?
• Do you spend more than 20% of your income on
  coffee and/or coffee related products?
• Does your coffee cup resemble a beer stein?
• Has anyone ever told you that you "have a
  problem"?
• Do you need coffee:
  ...to get up in the morning?
  ...to get out of bed?
  ...to be injected intravenously to stimulate blood-flow?
• Do you own a "Coffee Helmet"? (For the culturally
  ignorant, a coffee- helmet is a hat with coffee-cups
  attached to it and a straw coming out of each cup
  leading to the mouth, used for hands-free drinking.)
• Do Native North American Aboriginal Indian Peoples
  call you "Ona mac towanda" (Smells-like- coffee)?
• Does your doctor measure your heartbeat on the
  Richter scale as well as by its frequency?
• Have you ever sold personal or other people's
  possessions
  just to get your fix for the day?
• Does the phrase "swiss water decaffienated" strike
  terror into your heart?
• Do you have a coffee maker in more than one room
  of your house?
  ...in more than five?
  ...in your bathroom?
• Do the people at Second Cup refuse do give you free
  coffee cards anymore?
  ...because you're wearing out their hole-punch?
  ...and it's bad for the environment?
• Do you grind your own coffee?
• Do you grow your own coffee?
• Have you ever been fired from a job because you're
  " drinking their profits"?
• Do you know Juan Valdez?
  ...and his donkey?
  ...intimately?
• Do you salivate uncontrollably whenever you hear
  dripping water?
• Is sleep a hobby of yours?
  ...that you don't like?
  ...because it's too frustrating?