Big Ego/ Low Self Esteem

[Little Missy]

This seems to be a characteristic in a lot of us. I brought this up in a meeting last night. A lot of great things were shared. I wanted to know your thoughts on it.

A big ego has been a part of me my whole life. I didn't realize, until AA, that I would cut people down to boost my self esteem. Well, I try not to do that any more. I really watch out for my ego.

They say the all the steps are geared to deflate our egos. Well that has certainly happened. Through that, I have learned humility and gratitude. However, we rarely discuss self esteem. We also talk about bringing ourselves down to a "normal" level, but what about bringing ourselves up?

I have learned that I do have self worth, that I am here for a purpose (whatever that is). I am worth sobriety and a better way of life. Makes me realize why we have to get sober for ourselves and not other people.

But my mind can knock me down in a heartbeat. Having to continually redirect my thoughts. My old boss really broke me down emotionally and my self esteem has suffered. Yes, I allowed this to happen, unknowingly at the time. I just kept trying to do the next right thing. Tried to better myself and by doing that, hopefully change the situation. It did not work out that way and I have been wounded in the process.

This reminds me of how I use to live. When I was in high school, my moto was, "If you don't care, you don't get hurt." It was a way to protect myself. Now, I no longer use that philosophy, I put myself out there. Knowing that there is a chance I may be hurt. But the help I give others, and the gifts I receive in the process are priceless.

There is yet another lesson to be learned here. I am worth learning it!!