Trust In Relationships

[laurie6781]

I'm sorry I didn't see this when you originally posted this, it is an excellent thread.

I know for me personally, first from my addiction side, that it took almost 3 years before I started to even feel like my family was 'trusting' me a little bit. But I kept doing what I had been taught, kept working on me, kept making my amends (man, they took a LONG TIME to complete, lol) and I could feel the trust returning.

As it returned I sure didn't want to do anything that would again negate that trust. It got better and better, but VERY SLOWLY. I literally had to PROVE myself, and I understood that. I had been such a F'up for so many years who on earth would trust me? It can and does happen.

Now let's move to my 'codie side' rofl. Again as the A's in my life continue to show improvement (no none of them were 'perfect') slowly at times, but their actions showed they were trying and the old behaviors were disappearing, I started to learn to trust the A's a bit at a time. There have been some A's over the years that I never did trust again, some stayed in recovery but their ways didn't change, some went back out and eventually died.

Trust for each of us is different, however, for me, because of my own hard work on me, I have learned to watch and wait. Not take their inventory, per se, but see how their 'actions' make me feel. Example: I watched a young man (anyone younger than me is young, lmao) come into recovery, had a few relapses before the 'real light bulb moment' and then things started to happen. He was rough and gruff and a real a-hole when he arrived. Had a low opinion of himself and all others.

As he started to work on himself, little things started to happen. He would hold the door open for his 'elders'. He started using please and thank you. He 'volunteered' to do the janitorial work at the Alano Club. 3 months in doing that the board voted him a small salary, he had a regular job by that time, so the money he earned there he was donating to different charities that help the poor, Salvation Army, the Mission, etc.

That young man today has almost 16 years in recovery and had done the 180 degree turn that we strie for.

I believe can re-earn our trust. I believe I just have to step back and WATCH their ACTIONS over time, That will tell me to trust or not to trust.

J M H O

Love and hugs,