Intimacy And Beyond

[Hopefloats]

We like to define intimacy as the "ability to be in relationships with someone without sacrificing our identity in the process." It is the last part of this definition which is so crucial. While there are many types of intimacy, such as physical, sexual, intellectual, social, spiritual, and the sharing of play and hobbies, intimacy in any of these domains with "loss of self on a regular basis is not intimacy"--it is dependency.

Loss of self during sex is normal and okay, but always deferring to another's wishes and never asking for what we like is not okay and it is not healthy. If we really don't care what movie we go to, then letting someone else choose the movie makes sense. If we do care deep down inside and still rarely state our preference, then we are being overly dependent.

The best way to truly evaluate the health of our relationships is to identify how we truly feel, which requires that we are in enough of our own recovery to let those feelings come to the surface. We have listed below how intimacy feels compared to dependent relationships.

INTIMACY--(INTERDEPENDENT):
whole
competent
interested
strong
clear
comfortable
peaceful
fulfilled
grateful
happy
excited
trusting
alone-ness
together-ness

DYSFUNCTIONAL RELATIONSHIPS (DEPENDENT/ISOLATED)

desperate
fearful
anxious
rejected
angry
confused
abandoned
exhausted
invisible
controlled
used
manipulated
empty
lonliness
identity-less

~~~~~~~~~~~~~The Secrets Of Dysfunctional Families