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#1
05-25-2007, 03:22 PM
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Calling it quits.....
For anyone that has been in a relationship that is on a slowly sinking boat....
How do YOU know when to call it quits.... When is enough, enough for you? Just pondering why I have stayed in relationships longer than I should have.... wondering how some of you have dealt with the heartbreaking choice to call it quits.
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Patty ......the long and winding road        
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#2
05-25-2007, 04:29 PM
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(((Patty))) I've been there. I think we've chatted about this before. Seven yrs with the last relationship. He couldn't put the coke down. I just decided I was too old to keep going through this kind of stuff. Being by myself is a much better choice, for me, than wondering what's coming next in a relationship where addiction is # 1. I think the key is getting to know yourself and what you have to offer, to yourself. I'd had enough of the hassels with addiction with my daughter and exhusband that I didn't need to keep going with a relationship with another addict. Sometimes you just gotta go for it and cut the ties and make the best of you. I've given up on relationships, for now........oh, except for Bruce! lol
__________________
Denial protects us from seeing the reality of what our lives have become.
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#3
05-25-2007, 04:29 PM
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For me Patty, it would be when I have reached the end of my rope. Tired of fighting, tired of being depressed and tired of having the life/air sucked out of me. Once I reached that point (admittedly it takes me a long long time) there would be no turning back, I'd be gone!
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Judy
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#4
05-25-2007, 04:31 PM
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I don't know Patty. I recently called it quits on a relationship that was mostly long distance. For a variety of reasons, I just realized that it wasn't going anywhere. Time to move on. Now that I am sober, I just don't see any point in riding things thru to the bitter end anymore, but honestly, I should have pulled out of that one much sooner and never tried to rekindle the flames after they had gone out years before.
I can only really say listen to your heart. And then stop listening to your heart and let your head make the decision, lol. Not much help, am I? love-B
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#5
05-25-2007, 04:32 PM
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Yep I've been there never regretted it once, been happily coupled now for 22 years on june 1, I stuck with el jerko for 12 years from being sweet 17!! I'd got to the point of no return and so I took my four babies and left.
indie
__________________
 'Love is life believing in itself'. Manitonquat.
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#6
05-25-2007, 04:37 PM
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Currently I have nothing earth shaking going on...
With so many new members I am just trying to get a prespective on how others have felt and what they have done to end a bad situation. I will always ponder the how's and why's of my prior relationship woes.... well maybe one day it will just become crystal clear.....lol
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Patty ......the long and winding road
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#7
05-25-2007, 05:14 PM
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You're gonna meet that "special someone" one of these days Patty! You're too special for them to overlook!
__________________
Denial protects us from seeing the reality of what our lives have become.
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#8
05-25-2007, 05:20 PM
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damn patty i feel for you..i have not had that many realtionships really...it was one disaster after another with them being pretty much in control and i was always the one to be dumped....strange that..ha ha
well i met my soul mate 18 years ago.....so im pretty crap at giving advice on realtionships...all i know is that if you feel its worth fighting for then hang in there..if its like being with a corpse well ....run awaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay! sorry maybe i should just shut up......lol....
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#10
05-25-2007, 05:38 PM
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Guys!!!! You aren't getting it....I am not having any issues with relationships
at this point in time.... I am just asking for others experiences and views on their relationship issues. Thanks for the concern though.....lol
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Patty ......the long and winding road
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#12
05-25-2007, 06:02 PM
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yeah shopping for sexy boots!!!!! Ah wait a minute isn't that how I feel down
last month???? LOL
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Patty ......the long and winding road
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#15
05-26-2007, 03:23 PM
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LOL I love the boots!!!
At 38, I have had 1 relationship in my life...my first boyfriend. We were highschool sweethearts, got married when I was 16 had my oldest at 18 and remained until this past November! 23 years is a very long time. I think that things went sour a long time ago and we both masked it with the alcohol. We tried to call it quits many times but kept going back to each other. I got sober in June of 06 and he moved out in November.....go figure!!! I still love him and I know he loves me but we just couldnt live together anymore and got tired of beating a dead horse. I do know for a fact though, if I hadnt gotten sober, I would still be beating that horse! ~HUGS!~ Liss
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#16
05-26-2007, 04:05 PM
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Quote:
Bruce said it best for me right here. As a "double winner" in training, I can speak from both sides of the relationship. I often hung in a lot longer than I should have because of my codie side, which was sorely tested in my most recent relationship. Which I ended last night, and it did not go well at all. We'd only been together about a month but he is a HARDCORE codie and it was working on my nerves and my recovery, from both sides of the coin. What's scary is, I WAS him about 10 years ago and I now understand what my ex went through with me insisting that I "save" him from himself....."fix" everything that was wrong with him and "be there no matter what, to the exclusion of all others, because only I could take care of him the way he deserved to be". YIKES!!!! I was one scary beeyotch back then, and boy do I have some amends to make. Fortunately I am still friends with that ex and have already apologized to him for some of the crazy stuff I used to do. This relationship was one of the most stressful I have ever been in, even for its short duration, INCLUDING my ex-addict crackhead BF who was the reason I started going to the other Naranon forum two years ago. I know he meant well, and he is a nice guy, which made it very hard to break it off, but HARDCORE classic codependent. I'm so past that at this point in my life and my recovery but I was starting to feel really stressed and unstable and had a long conversation with my sponsor last weekend to straighten it all out. Bottom line.....now that my own head is a little straighter on than it was, I am starting to be able to recognize the danger signs of dysfunctionality and am not willing to "keep working on it" anymore. Cut your losses, crawl back under your rock and reassess what you did wrong is my new mantra. Great to see everyone, it's been ages!! Hope you are all well...... 
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