My Father

[BrandiK]

I have recently learned my father has been drinking again. I learned this through the grapevine, I guess my sister (who does not speak to me) called him to tell him happy birthday and he was sloshed.

I have not spoken to my father in a long time. He chose booze over me years and years ago. He dryed out for a long while, after his wife dies of liver failure (though, you know, it was from tylenol, not waking up to a bloody mary every day). Now he's back to it.

Part of me is glad I am not part of his world ... another part of me thinks I ought to find his phone number and call him. Not that I could fix him - but at the same time, wonder if I should not at least share the miracle of recovery on some level? Just once, then hang up the phone and be done?

What would you do? My heart aches for him, something I did not think possible. I know that hell he's either in or on his way to, and that makes me sad. I can't think it's a phase and he'll have it under control. I know that illusion, I pulled it off for years. So many people were clueless as to how out of control I had become. I suspect that's a trick I inherited from my dad.

When I got divorced and had to deal with being the part time parent, he was there for me. The only time in my life, but I really am thankful for him during that time, before he was gone again.

Ok ... enough of me talking in circles ... what would you do? I have learned my thinking isn't always healthy, so I am looking for a reality check.