Guilty az Charged

[Electric]

I waz going to start this out by whining about how my life haz been so screwed up and deserve better, forget that , It iz the Guilt of My past that will haunt Me 4ever now, I know thiz and I have to accept the fact that I am Guilty az Charged.

Monday evening;9:30ish, I told My Youngest Daughter (she iz 15)I wanted her home @ 9 and she iz 30 minutez late, i am pacing the floor, freakin out worried,I purchased her a cell phone , just for this reason two weeks prior,the phone iz off and goez straight to her voice mail, by now I am feeling every emotion I don't want to feel, its getting darker outside and i am freakin out, finally My cell ringz,and its some kid and he wantz to know if she can stay longer, I said no and please walk her home asap. He agreez and the minutez on the clock slowly pass by,by 10pm ive lost it mentally. So my 18 year old Daughter and i go to look for Her az she is only a few blocks away at some apartment complex, oh,We found her allright, so Intoxicated she couldnt see straight. i was calm at frist, but when i confronted the kidz who she drank with they told me to "F" OFF, so i informed them in a manner only a Dad would do not to not F with Me , I have lived in this area for 25 yearz and I know every police officer personally in the area,and they better wise their lil asses up fast!
So I get her home and the #$%$ hitz the fan I stay calm(for the moment) and she starts telling and yelling at/to Me for why I such a lousy no good for nothing Father,every single cuss word they ever made up came from her sweet little mouth and some I know she had made up in her fit of rage.See the thing iz i have dealt with thiz for 14 monthz and have tried to argue with her taht I am a changed Man and she knowz I have been clean,and will never go back to that life.I know the thingz I have done,and they haunt Me every day, My main concern iz Her, i don't care about how I feel anymore, It iz Her I worry for, will she carry on this violent behavior into her womanhood with her children? I am so scared that wordz cannot even describe it.
Needless to say i had to involve the police dept. that night because it became so severe that she got physically abusive towardz me and I felt that she needed a reality check and fast and I needed a mediator. All iz good now, they counseled her and left.She on the other hand waz lucky they didnt take her to Juv. hall for intoxication.
We are and have been involved in therapy for mothz and it helps alot, But Now I feel that i cannot release My Guilt for what My Girlz went through when I used Drugz/Alcohol, So here I sit and the guilt iz rippin me up inside.