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#1
10-20-2007, 11:46 PM
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Repost...any input???
ok all.... I posted this on the mommies thread but I need some major input here so Tam suggested I repost....help!!!! LOL
Girls, Heres the scoop and I need input asap as usual.... Ok so as of a week ago Wednesday, DD brought the baby to me, admitted that she and SIL have been having problems for several months, said they are splitting up and they did NOT pay the utility bill so they were shut off, of course, this is when she asked me if I could keep the baby "for just a few days" until she could figure out where she was going to stay..... As for SIL, I found out that the reason he didnt pay the bill is because DD went and gave notice for both of them to be out of the house by Nov.1 and that he put the money down on a different place for him AND the baby instead. As it stands today, DD has pretty much been sleeping at friends houses, working and the runnin around instead of comin here and staying with the baby. She has seen her 2 times, was off this past Wed. and spent a few hours with the baby before taking off to "go get drunk" while leaving GB with me again. She was supposed to come straight here when she got off work at 6pm yesterday....she never showed, never called, her phone is off, her friends cells phones are not being answered, I have left messages etc. I am soooo way beyond pissed off right now! SIL is desastated, he is working 12 hours 6 days a week and trying to get him and the little one moved and then he is taking on the sole responsibility.... I honestly dont know how he is going to do it but of course, I will help him any way I can. Whats killing me, is this .... For one thing, this is SO out of character for DD, not to mention, what if something (God forbid) was to happen to the baby? Plus, she knows Ihave the broken arm, take care of her brothers and grandparents, etc. It isnt that I mind having the baby, in fact, I would much rather have her knowing she is taken care of in a crazy yet stable environment versus sleeping wherever but I feel like Im being taken advantage of. I just dont know how to approach her for fear she will take the baby to Lord only knows where..... words of wisdom anyone?????        
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#2
10-21-2007, 05:00 AM
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Liss, I feel for you. This is just my opinion, but I wouldn't worry about being taken advantage of, of course you are being taken advantage of, but the baby needs you right now. I would just take care of the baby and get your boundries in place for both SIL and DD. First priority is baby, even if you get taken advantage of.
__________________
Denial protects us from seeing the reality of what our lives have become.
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#3
10-21-2007, 10:00 AM
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I'm sorry that you are having to go through all this, I think you're doing a fine thing, take care of yourself and the baby and please don't feel responsible for the others they are old enough to know their actions are wrong. Try to concentrate on you and thhe baby and not let them grind you down.
hugs indie
__________________
 'Love is life believing in itself'. Manitonquat.
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#4
10-21-2007, 03:02 PM
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((((((((((Liss)))))))))) I'm sorry to hear everything is so crazy for you right now. But thank God the baby has you to take care of her. I agree that you have to set boundaries with DD and SIL, you have enough on your plate without having to babysit them. JMHO but don't push them to hard, you wouldn't want them to take the baby back and he/she not get treated properly.
You are an amazing person to care for so many people, with a broken arm too! I just keep thinking to myself how lucky your grandbaby is to have you.
__________________
Patience is the ability to idle your motor, when you feel like stripping your gears
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#5
10-21-2007, 03:40 PM
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I'm sorry this all is happening to you. But yeah you're doing a good thing taking care of the kid, I agree with what the others said.
 Marte
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#6
10-21-2007, 04:23 PM
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((Liss)) I too am sorry you are going through this. This is a different situation, but kind of the same. When I took care of my Mom, I use to feel like I was being taken advantage of. People wouldn't come to visit, wouldn't come when they said they would. What I did was changed the way I looked at it.
Mom needed me as that baby needs you. I wanted/needed to take care of her. What other people did or didn't do no longer bothered me, because I knew in my heart that I was doing the right thing. I was living my life with no regrets. Yes I had to give up a few things along the way, and yes, I got tired. But I wouldn't trade that time for anything now!! You are a dear soul and will be rewarded!! 
__________________
With acceptance, comes peace.
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#7
10-21-2007, 04:58 PM
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Liss, Missy sums it up beautifully here:
Quote:
__________________
Denial protects us from seeing the reality of what our lives have become.
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#9
10-21-2007, 09:05 PM
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Thank god your grand baby has you in her life. She needs stability in her life. Not being shuffled around by a confused mother who has lost sight of her priorities. I'm sorry she is taking advantage of you. It sucks, but the baby is now in a stable, safe environment. That is important. Kudos for you. I know times are a challenge for you right now, but you are doing a terrific job! Hugs...
__________________
We acquire the strength we have overcome. 
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#11
10-30-2007, 01:16 PM
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Thanks All!!!
Update: I still have the baby, my daughter breezes in and out, spending maybe a total of 3-4 hours a week here, and by "here" I mean, she sits and lets me chase the baby, and isnt spending any real quality time as I can see it. When she does walk away from me with the baby, or if I walk into the room, GB wants me, NOT DD and this breaks my heart but you all are right. The baby is the most important thing. I have long since realized that I am indeed an enabler, not something I am proud of, but indeed the truth. Once again, I am working on making some changes. I have sat back and let DD pull this B.S. for almost a month now, just waiting and praying she would pull it together, Im not waiting anymore. With Thursday being the first of the new month, All of her stuff has to be out of the house, this includes some of the babys things that arent already here I.E. crib and dresser, some toys, clothes ETC. DD has made ZERO effort to pack it up and figure it out, Sooooooo....... DD has until then to figure it out, if not, I am going to get only the babys things and bring them home. Yesterday, when DD came by to do a load of laundry and get a shower before school, I again reminded her of this and also reminded her that she can still come here to stay with me and the baby, again, she refused. So in a nutshell, I told her my plan (she was angry) and told her that if this was how it was going to be, there are some new ground rules that she will follow.... #1 No more breezing in and out just long enough to upset the baby and then while here, doing her own thing...either quality time or forget it because Im the one left with a crabby confused and heartbroken child. #2 If she doesnt have a place that is stable by the end of the week, I will be working strictly with her Ex where the baby is concerned, if she wants to see her, she needs to call, Im tired of things being up in the air for HER. #3 If I am going to raise this child, I will do so my way instead of walking around on eggshells worrying if she (DD) is going to chew me for doing something different then she would. So whadda ya think? I came to this conclusion yesterday when I had a chance to go to a very nice dinner for a friends birthday and couldnt because I have the baby (couldnt take her because the dinner was at the same time as our bedtime routine and I feel that routine is MAJOR important right now no matter what) Speaking of baby....LOL time for breakfast, toodles and ty again everyone!!!  Liss
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#12
10-30-2007, 09:27 PM
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Oh I feel so bad for you Liss.
I hope to never be in this spot but if I were I honestly think that I would have the SIL take the responsibility of his child, providing he is capable. I understand that he works long hours perhaps you can lend a hand there if there is no one else he can hire or trust to care for his child. I think your daughter will continue to take adbantage of your good nature for as long as you allow her. I hope all turns out well for everyone.
__________________
Patty ......the long and winding road
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#13
11-01-2007, 01:23 PM
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Thanks!
I am hanging in there. I am definately doing this for the baby. SIL is buying all of her food etc. DD breezed in 20 minutes late, whisked the baby out the door to trick-or-treat,they were back an hour later and DD was gone 20 minutes after that. I begged her to give me 15 minutes because we need to talk.... She got hateful and said no, that we do NOT need to talk and she was gone. ***sigh***
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#14
11-01-2007, 01:44 PM
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((Liss)) You are a wonderful woman!!
Tell DD, you will also be claiming the child on your taxes!! LOL
__________________
With acceptance, comes peace.
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#15
11-01-2007, 03:26 PM
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oh, liss........missy hit home for me, as you know........when i cared for my mama no one was there either........my brothers, her friends, all gone........and i came to the same conclusion as she did.......that mama was the only thing that mattered, and everyone else needed to get their stuff together on their own, or live with their regrets.......and they do have their regrets, i'm sure......but i do not.....and you will not......you will never regret this time you have with that baby, you are doing the right thing......
i love you, miss liss......and sometimes i wish i could come up there and take you away for a couple of days......... one thing........the next time you have the opportunity to go to dinner at a friends.....you need to remember that you are important, too.......it is very important for you to have a life and to take care of yourself, and that includes having fun!!!
__________________
""Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be accomplished without hope and confidence.""
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#16
11-04-2007, 04:35 PM
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hows it going girl?
__________________
""Optimism is the faith that leads to achievement. Nothing can be accomplished without hope and confidence.""
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#17
11-07-2007, 09:51 PM
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Ayla, I hear you on what Missy said, I can relate so well!!! Good news!!! DD FINALLY got her head out of her arse and stepped up. She is back to the same loving wonderful mommy that I know her to be. She got everything settled and her and the baby are living with friends, they are a couple around my age or a bit older and have kids in college, I think this is a good place for her. I will still watch GB while she works or is in school, but she has a friend that would like to keep her sometimes too. I guess DD just needed some time to adjust to being a single parent, I know how hard and scarey it is, especially with working and going to school, both full time! Its funny though, after having the baby 24/7 for a month, I am having to adjust to things being back to life without her LOL....amazing, grocery store trips seem to fly lately hehe. So now I am trying to rest this arm as much as I can and get back to me for awhile. I miss the lil one when she isnt here but Im glad she has her mommy back!!! Thanks everyone for all of the support!!!! Love Liss
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