CodieCW - A Story From The Other "Side"

[CodieCW]

I grew up in a middle class alcoholic home - mother was the alcoholic. My life seemed normal - but I do remember my dad finding stashed bottles around the house, garage, etc. Remember bits and pieces - arguments, etc. but don't remember any horror stories per say. Denial, ignorance - call it whatever you like.

Fast forward to my 20's. Got involved with a younger guy - physically and mentally abusive - tried to severe the relationship many times, but always went back. Moved to Florida with him and the phyical abuse finally took its toll and I said, "Enough!" Packed 2 suitcases and took a Greyhound bus back up to Ohio and moved in with my sister and her family to get back on my feet. Didn't want to go back to my hometown as I feared he would find me and hurt me.

Met my husband about 23 years ago - we dated on and off for 7 years before we got married. Knew he was an alcoholic but....well you know....love conquers all or so I thought. Married in 1990 and the first 12 years of our marriage were decent altho bells and flags were ringing and showing. He was a functional alcoholic for those years so it was easier to deny. Wasn't a hardcore codependent - but still exhibited some of those behaviors and still was a partner in the "dance".

About 3 years ago my husband was downsized with a pension and that's when things really started to go downhill. He was a Vietnam vet and had been self-medicating for 30 odd years. With all the free time on his hands he proceeded to drink more and more often. Went thru years of cold turkey attempts by him and many trips to the ER for alcohol withdrawal incidents. He gave AA a shot for 1 year during one of those times. He was never physically abusive but would be verbally abusive during his binges. This past year was really out of control - me getting angier and more resentful, sad and depressed. After a whopper withdrawl incident in June 2004 I had finally reached my bottom and connected with a counselor thru my EAP at work and started to go to Al-Anon and posting on another recovery website. I was learning so many things about the disease of alcoholism and my part in the "dance". I was learning to detach - physically sometimes - when things got bad. Learning that I didn't cause it, I couldn't control it and I couldn't cure it.

In May 2005 he got his second DUI (first being 20 some years prior). Did jail time, lost his license and made several attempts in out patient programs which he quit after a couple sessions. More withdrawal incidents, another out patient program, another detox after showing up at the sessions intoxicated. I continued to go to counseling and Al-Anon and was finally trying to take care of myself (new concept for a codependent). Coming home from work everyday to find him either in bed or slumped in his recliner blitzed I had made the decision to look into separating from him. I was depressed, tired and miserable. He was drunk one day and was trying to start an argument. I had learned and had practiced not to argue with a drunk. I had been leaving the house when these types of arguments started. I left that day and drove around to cool off, sat in a park, went to work to get a phone list of Al-Anon friends and came home thinking he would be passed out in bed. I found him passed out in the hot tub. Called 911 and they attempted to talk me thru giving him mouth-to-mouth. I will never forget how he looked that day - curled up in the corner of the hot tub, slumped over, lips blue - me literally having to drag him out of the tub onto the floor. He lost his life to the disease that day. He had become a mere shell of a human - so lost and so had I in retrospect.

I continue to go to Al-Anon and attend codependency group meetings. I am slowly learning about myself and how to love myself first before all else. I am grateful for the program and forums such as these to help me continue on the road of recovery.

Thanks for letting me share and sorry if this was a bit gruesome, but it is my story, my life.

[Rocketman]

Hi Codie,

So sorry for your loss, It must be very difficult There are some good people here with broad shoulders. Thank you for sharing

[CodieCW]

thanks (BTW - my name is Christie)

[CAPTAINZING]

thanks for sharing


hugs

chris

[Chy]

I'm so so sorry. What a courageous woman you are. I'm so glad you felt comfortable enough to share from the other side of the fence. Yours is the first of your kind I've ever had the privledge to share in, in it's entirety. Thank you and I hope it makes it easier for others to follow suite in sharing their story. For me though our recovery may be different in a community such as I've invisioned for us all everyone of our stories is important in making this a success.

[CodieCW]

it does me good to share - i still have days that i just can't believe things got so bad and ended like this.

courageous? nah - just a human being with emotions, feelings and issues to work on like everyone else.

here's to the success of SV!

[CarolD]

We in recovery are all miracles!

I appreciate you sharing your journey

[CodieCW]

that we are carold!

thank you!

[Granny B]

Thank you so much for sharing, Christie. What a journey, huh? I wish you
all the best in your recovery, hon.
You are a true Gem, a loving spirit.


love and light,
Brenda

[fianna]

Christie,

I am so sorry for your loss & pain. It is an inspiration to me.
Thank you for sharing your story.

Your mother & husband stories combined could have been my husband or children talking about me, except my HP (God) had different plans for my life.
It is with this humbleness that I get down on my knees and thank God at least daily for allowing me a chance to be well . . . One moment at a time.

Again, Christie, Thank you for your courage & sharing it.

[CodieCW]

thank you both!

[Maxine]

Christie

I admire your strength and courage. Thanks for sharing.

I don't know where I would be today without the courage of others to share their stories.

Thank You

[CodieCW]

thanks max - yes - i was one that isolated for a long time and it is healing for us to share our stories i believe.

[Done-With-It!]

(((CodieCW)))

I knew part of that story, but not most of it.

I'm sorry you have had to endure so much addiction in your precious life.

Your a light to me in my path of addiction.

They're people we come across who give us light in the dark times.

You give me so much light my friend.

You are a gift.

I hope and pray that only good things come to you.

You really do deserve them.

[purrdy]

You like so many others here are an inspiration to me......and also a life line...thankyou Christiexxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

[CodieCW]

thanks you two - i've got a lot of work to do on myself yet so don't be too inspired! LOL

to see that there are folks out there that struggle each day with addiction and beat the odds is inspiring to me and gives me hope!

[Gooch]

((((((((Christie)))))))))


I had just read this this morning.

To see your gift of friendship and humor coupled with patience and faith, is a wonderful example of recovery in action.

[Gabe]

Christie, in case you haven't heard this enough times...
it wasn't your fault.
You know, it really wasn't your fault.
He made a bad judgement call, in an alcohol induced state of mind.
You weren't put here to bail him out every time that happened.
I'm sure you did, more times than you can count.
But don't you go guilt tripping yourself on what-ifs anymore.
I believe that he loved you with the best part of himself.
And that part of him still lives here.
His spirit certainly doesn't want you to be sad, or feel guilty anymore.
I'm sorry this is bugging you so much these days.

[yeahme]

:cross2: Thanks for sharing your story. I can't even begin to imagine how strong you have had to been throughout the years. You are one amazing woman!

[catfish]

(((Christy)))

I remember when you came on a posted about your H being found. I thought to myself about how you were always posting jokes and always seeming to look for the positive.

I realized then how difficult it must have been for you while your H was alive and I really admired you for posting though jokes and wanting to laugh instead of moan and goan about what your H was doing.

I know this past year has been very difficult for you but I still can't help but admire the way you have come thru it with such grace...