Kevin's Story + A Story of Dragons, Koalas, Roos and Others

[nogard]

I was born on the South Coast of England into a devoutly Catholic working class family, there was a lot of worship and Anger in that house and the surrounding environment.

At thirteen I picked up my first drug, but even before that I can see now that I already had the disease, I was always searching. Speed took me out of myself and sufficed for a while until I found pot and LSD again these where good for a while but not enough then I discovered Heroin, that did the trick and fast, it took me to oblivion and I made that home. I was in and out of prisons and hospitals for the next 12 years, travelled around parts of Europe and can barely remember any of it.

At the age of 25, I had a realisation that I was dying , a spiritual awakening and I stopped using and gradually built a life that was to be good for the next 20 years. By this time I was (and still am) in Melbourne Australia running a small business, had a good relationship and a ten year old daughter. I started drinking more than I ever had and within a few years had lost my relationship and business and had damaged my relationship with my daughter.

21st May 2005 I awoke as if from a nightmare feeling very sick as I usually did in the mornings, but sicker on this day as I got a good look at myself and realised I was “there� again, alone and probably not too long for this planet. That day I found Sober Recovery and talked to people here all weekend, I have not stopped talking to them since then. On the Monday I went too my first AA meeting and of course hated it but my heart took me back the next day and the next.

I was very sick but as the days past I got better physically. I tried living without meetings after a few months and experienced the full madness of my disease without getting drunk, that was a big shock too and I was completely powerless to change or fight it. A friend got me back to a meeting and since then I have been to a meeting every day.

As an addict and an Alcoholic I have to learn to balance everything, for instance I could not even get the number of meetings right, from none to two or three a day and then realising that I needed to be “in life� so moderating the number of meetings I do to keep me moving forward. Basically I am learning most things anew and that’s ok, in fact that’s great.

In the last 12 months much has happened, I have got a good job, have faced all my creditors and arranged to pay them separated myself from anyone or anything that has no place in my life and connected or re-connected with old friends. My relationship with my daughter gets better all the time. I have never had so many phone numbers in all my life and recently have realised that the gnawing empty feeling in my gut that had been there since early days has gone. I take things a lot slower and am in the midst of facing my anger and my fear on a primal level as I have lived with those two feelings forever. I am doing Step 4 at present and already feel the change in my life as I write about how I feel and experience life.

But all of that does not describe in anyway what being clean and sober for 1 year with AA and NA to draw from.

I am liberated, sure I still get obsessed, I obsess about many things but these days I look at it as a way to understand my disease and practice at not taking any negative action. So even if I see the biggest bestest Puter or Car or some other gadget these days I don’t buy it even though I may become obsessed.

Physically I have put on a little weight but have a skip in my walk and a glow on my skin.

Emotionally I am still shaky but that’s great, I love being able to face and feel my emotions, the other night I cried almost openly as someone shared how they met their wife and what that Love has meant to them and then said to us all (of course he was talking to me!); “.. its possible for you to find Love like this..� and I cried for at that moment I let some love into my heart, the more I let in the better things get.

Spiritually I have no doubt about my HP’s (who I choose to call DAD) hand in many things everyday. I pray and talk to DAD every day and look for guidance everywhere so that I may do his will as Kevin’s will don’t work for me or anyone else.

I feel like after one year and 5 Months I have a long way to go as I am one sick puppy, but I have no sense of alarm or panic alone one of acceptance and peace as I am in the right place doing the right things the best I can. I am grateful the life I have today and as I sit in the same place and at the same puter as 1 year ago, those are the only two things that are the same

One Day at a Time – Easy Does It – Just for Today – Live and Let Live

Kevin