Holiday weekend weirdness..

[LaTeeDa]

For those who don’t know me, I separated from my husband a little over a year ago due to his drinking. He has now been sober 11 months, but we are still living separately. Our marriage took some major hits during our dysfunction (mine and his), and we are in the process of trying to heal the relationship, if it can be healed. We have two children (9 and 13) who also suffered much and so we are all trying to heal as a family.

For the Labor Day weekend, at the request of the kids, we went on a camping trip, all together as a family. I have been avoiding camping like the plague, mostly because some of the worst times I remember when my husband was drinking happened while camping. It was even a camping trip that was the ‘final straw’ last year before I kicked him out. Thanks to Minnie’s advice on overwriting the bad memories, I decided to face the fear and go camping.

For the most part, it was a really good weekend, beautiful setting, great weather, and good times being had by all.

Except for a couple things. One was Sunday night when we broke out the s’mores. This was requested by the kids, of course, and I even went and found sticks for marshmallows, etc. Then, when the time comes, I say I’m not a big fan of the graham crackers and marshmallows, but would like to have some chocolate. Hubby starts in about how I can’t have the chocolate without the other stuff, enlists the kids in his mission to prevent me having chocolate without the extras, and basically takes it way too far. Later that night, he admits that he was “pushing my buttons” to see just how far he could go before I got irritated. WTF????? So I say to him, how about I just tell you when you are irritating me and then you don’t have to play the button pushing game? I also let him know that it’s a really bad idea to come between me and chocolate.

The next thing was when we were packing to leave. There are two ways back to civilization from where we were. One way comes out closer to where I live, the other closer to where he lives. So, I asked him about three times if he would rather go the way nearer his house so I could pack the kids stuff, etc. in my vehicle. He says no, he will come to my house first, unpack the stuff that stays at my house, then head on to his place. Three times I asked him, are you sure? Yes, he is sure. Then we are about 100 yards out of the campground, he pulls over. I pull over, too and ask what’s up? He says he is low on gas and we better go the other way since the gas station is closer. Again, WTF????

Now, I believe I handled both of these “situations” way better than I would have a year ago. I was very angry when he was drinking and would have flown into a rage in the past. Instead, I calmly dealt with the circumstances, and went with the flow.

I know we need to talk about this, but I’m still wondering what to make of it. Is this some kind of test? Because if it is, I don’t really feel like being tested. Shouldn’t he be more worried about his stuff than testing my reactions/behaviors?

What do you all think about this? Maybe I’m making too much of it?

L