i cannot believe this..

[purrdy]

its so sad. i got a message from my first sponsor. she was my sponsor for four years in AA..she left a teearful message saying that her husband, also in the fellowship had started drinking again....she almost begged me to come back to AA said that if i didint i would drink again...


This lady has been a rock for me in the past, i love her dearly. i also love her hubby very much, i found this to be such shocking news, they were so strong in thier sobriety..or so i thought...just goes to show

Anyway i need to call her back tomorrow to talk to her...i know she will keep on at me to go ack to AA...


the thing is i have and am doing well without it.

however , that being siad i wish i could help or support her in some way....

this threat ' if you dont go to meetings you will drink again' gets me riled!!


i have stopped smoking and built bridges with people i never thought i ever would..(ammends)...so i dont think i need AA and its principles

im sorry i just do not know what to think right now...im not sure if i have even posted this in the right forum....

just wanted to throw this out there...im so terribly sad about her hubby....

[laurie6781]

so i dont think i need AA and its principles

have stopped smoking and built bridges with people i never thought i ever would..(ammends)...

Ok Purrdy, first BREATHE. Now do it again. You may not need AA and its principles, lmao, but seems you are using them to your advantage. rofl That is what the program is really all about.

What your first sponsor said to you was said out of FEAR. She is now dealing with a once again practicing alcoholic and she is fearful for you. If need be, let her down gently. Tell her quietly that the meetings are not the first 164 pages of the Big Book, and use me and others as your cover. Tell her you have several sponsors from "Across The Pond." It's not a lie. We most of us here are "Across The Pond." And you take what you need from all of us, so............in a loose way are we not "your sponsors?" Whether we are AA, Alanon, or Alternative.

Now how's that for good alkie 'rationalization' and a way to not hurt her feelings, and you NOT GET RILED.

Sometimes as time goes on, our sponsors or former sponsors need to 'lean on us' instead of us leaning on them. I think this may be one of those times purrdy, and know what a Kind, Caring, Thoughtful person you really are, I just know you can handle this!!!!!!

Right now sweetie, she needs you she is running on fear!

I know you can do this.

Love and hugs,

[The Midnight Crazies]

How about just telling her 'I wanna be here for you as a friend, how can I help you?' and then see what she says, when she tries to force you to go back to AA be very clear about that one and tell her that's not gonna happen. Just tell her then 'sorry I don't think I can be of any help'. Good luck.

Marte

[Velvet]

I'm sorry purrdy, but I don't have any advice here. I was never part of AA.

[Little Missy]

I agree with Laurie. My first thought was maybe her husband stopped going to meetings and then he drank. That would definately make her fearful for you and herself!!

Remember, you do go to AA when you feel the need, that time you were drawn there. Everyone has a choice on how they work their program. Actually, IMO, she is wrong to say those things to you!!

How about saying how you appreciate all the support that she has given you. That you want to support her, however that does not include you going to meetings at this time. You don't have to say anything more about why you aren't going to go. You do not need to justify that. I'm really bad at feeling I need to give people "reasons" for my choices.

It will also keep you from getting into a debate that could cause hurt feelings. I'm sure she is relying heavily on the program right now. No need for either of you to get upset over your individual choices!!

Be honest and speak from your heart. AA gave you the foundation you are continuing to build on!!

(If that didn't make any sence, please forgive me. I have a terrible headache.)

[Bruce]

Kenny, no one can guilt you in to doing anything you don't want to do.
I remember when I left my group in WI, everyone said I would be drunk in a week. That I would never make it without them. It took a while before I got a little peeved about it. When they initially told me, I wondered if they were right, and the big thing is that they believed it. The "I can't, WE can" was absolutely true when I did, finally, get sober. I think you do see where her concerns are. You needn't even have to explain it to her. Being upset by her thinking serves you not, IMO.
AA did not invent the principles they suggest. I am amazed that some people manage to stay sober and, apparently, are quite unprincipled. If I was still as big a jerk as I could be while drinking, I might as well be drunk. If you feel like escorting her to a meeting, I'd say go right ahead. It won't harm you. But if you just don't want to go, then I'd suggest you politely but firmly decline.
I do understand how it is upsetting to you, but one principle I still try and practice is "live and let live". You can just let it go, can't you?
love purds, love-B

[Muse]

She talking out of fear. I can understand that. I also understand that fear keeps me from drinking again. Today, I realize I can't drink and I don't want to. I know that is the same for you Purrdy. If the day comes where I start to lose sight of that, I will get myself to a meeting. It is still very clear to me. Pressure is not going to get me to a meeting. I don't want to be pressured to do anything. That is a sure fire way to drive people away.

[purrdy]

well i called her and she came to see me.

i think that she really believes that if i dont go back that i will drink again.

i told her that AA was a good grounding for me, but i got fed up with the 'bad dobby' syndrome they all seem to have....

i felt as if they were all looking OUT for answers handing IT over to a higher power

for me i KNOW tht the power is WITHIN..its not out there


i do not beleive in 'slips' or 'relapse'......im sorry but anyone who takes a nother drink has obviously thought about it and planned it...money, shop, drink.....job done

its down to CHOICE...


my choice today is to steer clear of AA and its waht i felt was emotional blackmail tactics and do what i feel is right for me and my family


for years i looked to others for answers, when i discovered that the answers lie within.....

[Chicago Patty]

Good for you Purrdy. I think you know what is best for you...if your friend
can't respect or appreciate that well...not much of a friend then is she....
I do understand the fear aspect...I know she must be very scared....
(((Purdy)))

[purrdy]

well she did say she wanted me back in meetings because a lot of the 'old crowd' had disappeared. She said that when i shared in meetings i said it how it was i really hit them with the message.....

trouble is i dont feel as if i could carry the AA message anymore, i would feel hypocrytical to go in and gush about AA.

i love the people, i love the feeling of belonging....but i dont have to rely on that today to feel safe in my own skin....i dont know...i did say i would go to a couple of meetings with her jsut as a social thing.....i really feel as if i owe her the support more than anything, but i also feel as if i am in people pleaser mode!
i dont know i guess i will wait and see how i feel!

[Chicago Patty]

Would you go somewhere you didn't enjoy just to please a friend
or should I say go somewhere that compromises your beliefs just
to please a friend?
I know I wouldn't. I think standing by our convictions is admirable and
necessary for our own well being.
A do enjoy Alanon meetings, don't go to many anymore but wouldn't hesitate
to go if someone asked me to . On the other hand if someone badgered me
or manipulated me into going I certainly wouldn't...NOW, I wouldn't but once
not so long ago I could have been dragged anywhere and just went along
with the program.

[GwenMarie30]

Hi Purdy. No words here today. Just wanted to send some hugs!

[purrdy]

its a really difficult thing for me right now...AA helped me to stop drinking..i followed the programme religiously for 4 years...i went to meetings even when i was so tired i could hardly keep my eyes open!..i went at the detrement to my family..i went because they told me to..i did what they wanted me to do...

until then i had always looked to others to guide me, lead the way, take responsibility...i had a breakdown due to advice gien in the fellowship, i soon learned that the only person i can truly rely on in life to take care of me was ME!

i took myself away from the AA rooms and the other 'alternative' group i was attending, i packed all the self help books and meditation tapes away...what was i left with?...ME

i gave myself time to RECOVER form the exhaustion, the anxiety and depression....i suited myself and got well...on my own in my own time,

its been a year since i last saw this lady, i was shocked she called me.

she is coming form a place of fear for sure, i know that she is frustrated in AA right now because those with long term sobriety have either moved on or dropped dead!..she is looking for support.

there are other girls i love there too, but i cannot go back and 'fake it to make it' again..

i once told the group 'im here to reclaim my power'...the whole room GASPED!!!..they were all under the impression that a higher power was in the driving seat!! sorry but i cant do that anymore

for so long i have given my power away......i refuse to do that today.


the power i beleive is within us all!

[purrdy]

i dont know wether to call her again, its been a coupld of weeks....i have not spoken to anyone from AA in months..not even my old sponsor..i last saw her last year in October at my graduation

the thing is im thinking about these people..its wierd they keep popping into my conciousness and im wondering now that i have some time on my hands if i should contact them.....or is it because i DO have time on my hands??

once back at work my feet wont touch and i can etch out my own life agin...right now ifeel as if im at the mercy of others...vulnerable

and that vulnerability leaves you open....i guess im a little worried, anxious, i dont know

i dotn talk recovery issues much theese days...i dont feel the need to keep harping on about recovery...i stopped smoking and that to me is my greateset triumph to date!

getting back on my feet will be the next one!

i admire anyone who is out there fighting to get well.....

sorry..just rambling!

[Velvet]

Ramble on purrdy! That's what recovery is all about!

[Bruce]

I'd say call if you would like to talk to her...but not if you feel you "should"?
I am considering attending a meeting myself now that I am back in town. I went to exactly one AA meeting here before...I had a couple of weeks sober at that time and had the longest sobriety of anyone at that meeting. A couple of guys(there`were only a few)I heard talking about going and getting stoned afterward. I want to see what it is like now. But I don't see, really, how I can be of much service...yes, I am coming up on 5 years...but I haven't "worked the program" for 3 of that......
When I was in Portland a month or so ago, I accompanied a friend to a couple of noon NA meetings....and I feel no desire to go back. I haven't forgotten where I come from and I have learned the hard way how easily I could be right back there...but my days of desperation are long gone...
I am the one rambling now....do what feels right, Kenny.
love-B

[laurie6781]

.but I haven't "worked the program" for 3 of that....

No you haven't 'worked' the program, lmao You have been LIVING the program, big difference!!!!!

Go, don't go, your choice. I personally think you have a lot to offer. The 12 step program of AA is a way for one who wants to recover to learn how to LIVE sober. Some need meetings more than others to learn how to deal with our different emotions, rather than bury them.

Also, please if you go, go with an open mind, for I am sure, as in most AA meetings you will hear a lot of BS mixed in with some 'good stuff.'

J M H O

Love and hugs,

[Bruce]

One of the keys of the Steps is helping others. It has been a big part of what keeps me sober. I alone know my lessons in getting sober. But I would tell anyone that I did work the program...mostly like I was shown...If nothing else, I can be an example that it can be done. If anybody had seen me six years ago....

love-B

[laurie6781]

If nothing else, I can be an example that it can be done

ABSOLUTELY AND POSITIVELY!!!!!!

You my dear friend shine with recovery!!!!!!

love and hugs,

[purrdy]

and so do you laurie!

thanks guys for your input...itll have to wait anywy until i can drive agian...