I've had it........ ready to scream!

[yeahme]

As some of you know I have a new job, started out with all the great promises of having help to transport clients and other assistance. I have a huge caseload dumped on me and they all had court the next day so I go to court to provide case management and have not met or even talked to any of them. Then my boss has the nerve to say (behind my back of course), that I'm not trying or doing my best. I take Clonopin for anxiety and never abused it until lately. I can't believe I did this but I took a handful of them, a pain pill and a phenegran with a shot of jack and just knocked myself out due to the anxiety I was having. I've been off for 2 days and today I'm much better. I didn't use drugs and alcohol is not a problem for me. But let me tell you I have been hand and hand with the clonopin. I'm suppose to take it 3 times a day and never did, I just took it at bedtime. But lately, 3 times a day isn't enough. I feel so overwhelmed, I try going to the beach to relax and my brain is just in a freakin whirlwind.
I try to explain to my boss that dumping new clients on case managers the day before court is insane and all of my co-workers are in the same position I am mentally.
Then my boss had the nerve to ask me to work on Monday- my day off with my boyfriend. I feel like I have neglected him and he doesn't realize what I'm doing with taking all the pills, I usually sleep alot so for him to see me asleep all the time is nothing that makes him concerned. Now the deal is that I'm knockin myself out with pills.
I know all the dangers, I'm a substance abuse counselor for crying out loud! But being so overwhelmed is really pushing me to the brink.
I'm trying to maintain but I worry about the day she pushes me over the edge and I snap on her, then I end up with no job and that anxiety will really........... lets not go there.

Thanks for letting me vent. I just feel so overwhelmed. I usally love to go out to eat and to movies, lately I just want to be left alone. I'm just not me, where did I go? I want to find the me that can handle all this shit and somehow she got lost!!!!!!!!!