It's been a while

[Faith2Change]

I'm sorry to those of you who I talked to often or those of you who read my posts. Last time I wrote I was going through a break up with my boyfriend of three and a half years, which was caused by my relapse of doing ecstacy. Four days after our break up I checked myself into a psychiatric hospital because I felt I had lost control of myself. I'd never felt so out of control and on top of that I couldn't escape the thought of suicide. I didn't even realize how depressed I had become until I was in the hospital. I also realized how much of a drug addiction I had. I turned into my worst nightmare and hurt all the ones I love most.

I am still single. And tonight I am supposed to talk to my ex. I haven't spoken to him since I was in the hospital, which was a month and a half ago. Last night I just cried and text messaged him and he actually said he'd talk. He decided for us not to talk and has been very consistent about not talking to me, because of how hurt and angry he was with me. I'm very nervous, because I realize now what a fool I was. We didn't have the best relationship, which of course no one does, but we gave each other a share of heartbreak. I just pray for the chance to make it up to him and want another chance.

My family life is so much better. The suprising thing is going to the hospital drew me and my mother so much closer. If you've ever read my long long post about my mother you'll know that we haven't been close ever. Despite how much I screwed up she was finally by my side supporting me through everything and told me she'd never been more proud of the decisions I was making. She even said she'd support me in whatever decision I made about the relationship I had lost. Those conversations were the first time I'd ever seen my mother cry and really show emotion towards me.

I'm focusing 100% on my school work now and getting my degree. My goal is to have it by the end of next year, latest! Hope everyone is doing great.
Replies would be greatly appreciated.